He is Human
by Calculated Artificiality
Summary: Cordano... No Arm loss, No Mark, and obviously No death. Corday isn't exactly having a good day, and she lashes out at Romano. But through this lashing, Corday comes to realize that Romano isn't who everyone thinks he is... He actually IS human.
1. The outburst

It was dead quiet in the Operating room, with nothing but the machines humming and buzzing about the busy surgeons performing their miracles.  
  
"Scalpel" a redhead with a light English accent requested.  
  
And the instrument was handed to her. This was a very delicate procedure, and all who were present were desperately aware of that. The child must live. There was no doubt about that. It was a routing procedure made difficult by a few irregularities, but the child had to live. No one in the hospital would let him die from something as minor as this.  
  
If there were any two surgeons that could save this boys life, it was them: Dr. Elizabeth Corday, and Dr. Robert "Rocket" Romano.  
  
And they did.  
  
After exiting the OR and informing the family of the success, Elizabeth Corday headed down to the Lounge. She had been on for several hours, on her feet nearly all of the time, and she desperately needed the relaxation. She just needed to sit for awhile.  
  
As she entered the lounge she saw Romano there, reading a paper and sipping on a cup of coffee. She rolled her eyes, and entered the lounge.  
  
"Afternoon Lizzie. Great work in there today."  
  
"Thank you." She said tightly. She really didn't want to talk with him.  
  
He made some sarcastic remark, but she wasn't listening. She didn't care to listen. In all honesty, she was completely and utterly tired of him. She took psychology classes in college... she knew that his unhappiness, that his sorrow and need to bring others down derived from some inner turmoil... but she'd never allowed herself to think of it that way. It wasn't an excuse for the manner in which he treated people. Many people have a hard life, and they don't feel the need to be as rude of a person as Romano was. She was, in a way, disgusted by his attitude.  
  
She sighed and sat down.  
  
"Long day?" Romano asked.  
  
'Oh great' she thought, 'he's going to try to make small talk.'  
  
"Well, Robert, I've been on for 10 hours, so, if that constitutes a long day, then I suppose." She wasn't in a good mood, and her tone most certainly conveyed that.  
  
"Christ I hate talking to you when it's that time of the month" He retorted in his usual sarcastic moment.  
  
"Then don't." She said hastily, too tired to fight with him.  
  
"What the hell did I do Lizzie?" he questioned.  
  
"Oh, you mean today? Well, nothing today." She replied and rolled her eyes. Why on earth should she be nice to a man like him?  
  
"Well, then what's your problem, aside from the fact that you're on the rag?" he bit back.  
  
"Oh shut UP Robert!" she was getting all the more frustrated. "What's my problem? What is your problem?"  
  
"I have no problem." He stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Quite the contrary." She insisted.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean Lizzie?"  
  
She was having a bad day, and she was pissy. She just couldn't control her anger, something that rarely happened to her. But, she just simply COULDN'T, so.... She let him have it.  
  
"You come in here 365 days a year acting like a complete asshole to everyone around you. It's like you never have anything nice to say to anyone, about anything!!!" She yelled "And then one day out of 365 I'm not exactly in the best mood known to mankind, and you want to know what the hell my problem is??? I'm not the one with the problem here Robert... you are." She huffed trying to catch her breath, as she said all of that insult within the short time span of ONE breath.  
  
Her tirade hurt him. It was in his eyes. But she didn't notice. And he wasn't about to let her understand the effect her harsh words had on him.  
  
So, he responded in the only manner that he knew how: With blatant, and angering sarcasm:  
  
"You know you're incredibly sexy when you're angry" he retorted, and then casually went back to reading his paper.  
  
"Oh Robert, you are impossible!" she said, and briskly walked out of the lounge.  
  
Inside the lounge, Robert sadly put the paper down, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He had an odd pain inside his heart... one that he hadn't felt for a very long time. 


	2. The Truth

Dr. Robert Romano went about his normal day... he belittled people along the way, but he still couldn't get Elizabeth's tirade out of his head. He had always been one to believe that what people said in anger was extremely reliable. It had been his experience that people weren't afraid to say the truth when they were angry...  
  
So now he knew how Elizabeth Corday felt about him.  
  
He wasn't naïve. He knew what everyone said about him. Hell, he even knew that most of it was true. He was a little man that seemed hell-bent to bring everyone else down. And, he admitted, he was. He almost felt a need to bring others down, to make them feel low. But, he knew, there was a reason. There was a reason why Rocket Romano was the way he was.  
  
But nobody cared enough to ask.  
  
And he never cared enough to tell.  
  
But there was one person, he thought, that always knew deep down that he was an all right guy. Maybe even a good one. But that hope went out the window today when one of his only friends lashed out at him. He was surprised, and he was hurt because... because.... Well, "friend"... who was he kidding? He had none of those. But, contrary to popular belief, Robert Romano had a heart. And the secret he kept so deep inside him was that he had already given it away. To her. To the one person he thought knew him to be more than an arrogant asshole. But, he was wrong. And he wasn't wrong a lot. A jerk? Certainly... but never a wrong jerk.  
  
He rounded the corner to the elevator and contemplated the situation some more: He was in love with a woman that thought him to be nothing more than an arrogant asshole. Hmmm... the story of his life.  
  
He hit the 'down' button and waited for the elevator to come to his floor.  
  
Finally, the door chimed, and the two doors split apart. He walked into complete silence.  
  
"Hello Lizzie." He said as he moved to press the button. It was already lit up.  
  
"Hi Robert." She said with downcast eyes. She felt terrible for having yelled at Robert in that manner. But she was so pissed off. So incredibly angry, and shocked at his audacity, that she couldn't control the words that flowed from her mouth.  
  
The rest of the elevator ride was filled with uncomfortable silence, and downcast eyes.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the bell rang and the two prestigious surgeons exited the elevator.  
  
They both walked briskly down the hall and Robert opened the door for the lounge, Elizabeth followed.  
  
They stepped inside and each went to their respective lockers.  
  
"You off?" He questioned.  
  
"Yes. You?" She asked.  
  
"Yep." He replied curtly.  
  
"Look... Robert..." She began.  
  
"Are you going to apologize, Lizzie?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Because you should."  
  
The audacity of this man. "No, I'm not going to apologize for what I said. I will, however, apologize for the manner in which I said it."  
  
He knew she meant what she said. But there was still a part of him that wanted her to say it was a mistake, that she really didn't think that poorly of him. But he knew that would never happen.  
  
"Fine Lizzie."  
  
"Fine." She concurred.  
  
He was hurting inside. Oh how he was hurting. To everyone he was just a heartless bastard. But he wasn't. He really wasn't. He had a heart inside, and it was hurting. And he hated feeling like this.  
  
"Goodnight Robert."  
  
"`Night Lizzie." Robert stated sadly, and watched her leave.  
  
He reminisced for a minute, and his heart grew sadder, and the pain got heavier and deeper. He wasn't the man everyone thought him to be. But most of all, he wasn't the man she thought him to be.  
  
It's now or never, he thought. 'She already thinks you're an arrogant asshole, so what does it really matter?' He asked himself.  
  
Romano gathered his courage and ran out of the lounge into the crisp Chicago air. Yes, it was now or never. 


	3. Trying to Explain

"Lizzie!" Romano shouted as the cool Chicago air stung his face. "Please wait!"  
  
Elizabeth turned around and waited for Robert to catch up.  
  
"What is it Robert?" She asked, though she wasn't particularly interested. She was still angry at the man. Extremely angry.  
  
It was now or never. "Can I talk to you please?"  
  
"Sure, go ahead." She said.  
  
He assessed the situation: Obviously, still angry. He sighed. "Not here. Can't we go get a cup of coffee or something?"  
  
She didn't respond.  
  
"Lizzie?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Robert, I was waiting for your sarcastic remark, I was sure there was one to follow."  
  
She began to walk away, but he caught her by the arm.  
  
"Lizzie. Please."  
  
She turned to face him, and though she wanted to continue walking, there was something in his eyes, a difference, that made her stay.  
  
"Fine."  
  
They walked in silence to Doc Magoo's and slid into a booth.  
  
"Two coffees please" Romano asked of the waitress.  
  
The coffee was brought, and the two doctors nursed the coffee for some time.  
  
"So..." Romano started, in that odd way of people who don't really know what to say.  
  
"Well, you brought me here, so talk." Her patience was still thin.  
  
He didn't know how to start. How COULD he start? He was about to do the one thing that he had never done. He was about to let someone in. He was going to let someone into the heart that he had spent so much time carefully protecting. And he was not the normal fearless Romano. No, he was entirely fearful. He was scared out of his wits. He knew that Elizabeth couldn't possibly feel for him what he felt for her. But still, after her tirade this evening he knew he had nothing to lose by telling her. But, what would he tell her? Would he tell her everything? Would he tell her the truth that he'd known in his heart for such a very long time? Or would he tell her the basics? He simply didn't know. The only thing he knew was that he had to say SOMETHING, because Elizabeth Corday was at her wit's end, and she was ready to leave the restaurant.  
  
"Well...." He tried to speak, but he just couldn't get the words out. They simply weren't forming in his mind, and he was having a helluva time trying to get them to even make sense.  
  
"Robert." She said sternly, "Spit it out."  
  
"Ha," he laughed uncomfortably, "that is a lot easier said than done."  
  
"Apparently." She recognized as she sipped her coffee.  
  
Again silence settled over the table. How could he do this? How could he tell her what he desperately wanted... no, NEEDED to say? He told himself over and over again in his mind that he could, that everything would be all right... but somewhere inside him, he was afraid. Afraid that she would see him as... as... something. He didn't know what, but he didn't think it would be good. How could he tell a beautiful woman like this the truth? The truth about his love, about his passion, about his lust.... About his dark past? Why he is Rocket Romano... would she understand? Would she even care to listen?  
  
Elizabeth sat anything but patiently waiting for Romano to continue.  
  
"Look Robert, you brought me here because you have something to say... so why don't you say it, I'm really not in the mood for silly games."  
  
"Well... Elizabeth...."  
  
Will Romano tell Elizabeth the depths of his soul??? Will she even care?? What is Romano's "dark past"? Why is he the way that he is??? Will we find out? But more importantly... will Elizabeth find out??  
  
And... are these even posting? Because on my computer they're not.... Hmmmm *ponders*....  
  
Let me know please, if I should continue this story...  
  
And if you're going to be extremely angry if I create a part of Romano's past that didn't necessarily actually happen to the character....  
  
But, most of all... let me know if I should keep writing....  
  
Please. ~Natalie~ 


	4. Ripping off the Bandaid

Okay, so in this chapter... character breaks a little. But, of course it does, because Romano, contrary to popular belief is human (errr... was, I suppose). So please forgive me for not writing him as an arrogant ass during this chapter.... I took literary license, and decided to make Romano pour his heart out... But things shouldn't be too gushy.  
  
Enjoy... Please. (and if you'd like... tell me what you think... but, be nice.)  
  
Dr. Robert Romano took a deep breath. It was a deep breath that always calmed him, made him sane again. In fact, he took several deep breaths, trying his hardest to prepare for what he was about to tell Elizabeth. The woman with whom he was in love. One of the most beautiful women he had ever come into contact with, and he was about to lower the wall he had carefully built around his heart.  
  
"Elizabeth..." He began "... There's something I want to tell you." He paused, unsure of how to go on.  
  
"That much, I have gathered Robert." She stated clearly not amused.  
  
"I, uh, I want to tell you.... Why I am... who I am..." he started, still unsure.  
  
"What do you mean Robert, 'why you are who you are'?" she inquired.  
  
"I mean... why I am the way that I am." He stopped.  
  
She was confused, no doubt, but she felt as though it was important for her to listen "Go ahead." She spoke in a cautionary tone.  
  
'just like a band-aid' he thought 'rip it off very quickly, and there will be less pain.' Of course, even as he thought this to himself, he knew that it was bull. Everyone knows that even if you rip a band-aid off at the speed of light, it still hurts like hell. Faster is DEFINITELY more painful. When you do it slowly, you can gauge the pain, and decide how much you're willing to take... but when it's fast, all hell breaks loose. You have absolutely no control over what happens, no control over the pain. And Robert Romano was not the type of man that enjoyed losing control; in fact, it was what he hated most. But judging by the look on Elizabeth's face, he didn't have time to slowly rip off the band-aid... it was going to be fast...  
  
"Well, I don't quite know what to say..." he stopped again.  
  
"I have noticed, Robert." 'get on with it' she thought.  
  
"Huh... kind of like a band-aid..." He began, before realizing, by her utterly confused look that she had absolutely no idea to what he was referring.  
  
"Right..." She said.  
  
No other way, Romano thought to himself. Just lay it all out on the table.  
  
And with another deep breath he said the words that he had wanted to say to someone, anyone, for a very long time.  
  
"Elizabeth, no one really understands me. I mean, they do... but they don't. Everything you said in the lounge today was the absolute truth; I'm not ignorant enough to think that you were the least bit mistaken. But, at the same time, there IS a reason why I am the way I am. Why I am the arrogant ass that sits before you today."  
  
He inhaled deeply, trying to gauge her reaction; there was none.  
  
"... When I was 12 years old my parents, my sister, and I all went out to dinner. My little sister, she was 9 at the time, I believe, had just had her very first dance recital, and we were on our way to celebrate. I was angry because she got to pick the restaurant, and I hated Italian food, her favorite. I was being an ass, and I told my sister that I hated her, and that I wished she would die. So I was staring out the window, snubbing the rest of my family..."  
  
'Now comes the hard part' he thought to himself.  
  
"We were almost there" he continued "nine, maybe ten blocks away. We were waiting to turn left, in the middle of an intersection, when some asshole drunk driver ran the red light; he was on the wrong side of the street. My dad, he was driving, never even saw him coming." He paused. He didn't know if he could do this.  
  
He looked at Elizabeth, expecting to see cold, hard eyes staring back at him... but her beautiful blue eyes were full of nothing but compassion.  
  
"Oh my God" she exhaled.  
  
'like a band-aid' he thought "We were rushed to the Hospital, I don't even remember which one" his eyes were glistening with tears, but he didn't want to cry. Not Rocket Romano. "All I remember was blood. A lot of blood. It was everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. I was in the trauma room next to my sister, and I could here this constant beep, never wavering in its sound. I didn't know what that meant, not at the time. And I kept calling out to her, saying that she would be all right, telling her not to be scared, that she would be fine, that everything would work out." The tears got stronger, and more lucid in his eyes, but still, he held them back. "She flat lined. They tried for 30 minutes to bring her back. But they couldn't, she died, and the last thing I ever said to her was that I hated her." He stopped once again...  
  
He was expecting hurt, but not this much. It had been over 25 years; he thought he was over it. He had never spoken these words to another soul, and he didn't expect the pain he felt so deep in his heart.  
  
Elizabeth sat there with tears glistening in her eyes as well; she couldn't believe this man sitting before her. The resident asshole of County General was sitting before her with tears in his eyes explaining a horrid past that no one else knew about. She was overcome with emotion, and that didn't happen to Elizabeth Corday much.  
  
"Oh my God, Robert. I'm so sorry." She said, still in partial shock.  
  
He swiped a runaway tear with the back of his hand. "It's all right." He lied.  
  
"No Robert, it's not" she said as she took his hand.  
  
This comforting gesture allowed Romano to continue...  
  
"I told her that I wished she would die. Those were my last words to my baby sister." He said as he swiped at another tear rolling down his cheek.  
  
"It's not your fault Robert. You didn't control what happened."  
  
He had heard it from the social workers before. "I know" he said coldly.  
  
"No, I don't think you do Robert. You can't blame yourself for what happened. You're NOT responsible." She stated as she tightened her grip on his hand.  
  
"There's more."  
  
How's that for a cliffhanger?  
  
Well, let me know what you think. Sorry for humanizing Romano....  
  
And don't be angry that I made stuff up! (  
  
Please respond and let me know what you think, I would greatly appreciate it!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	5. Raw Emotions on Display

Here it is: The next installment. I'm on spring break, so I'm having a lot of time to write, I hope you enjoy.  
  
Warning: Emotional content ensues, it may be a bit out of character, but I'll try not to keep it up.  
  
Please review if you so choose... but try and be nice! Thanks!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"The last thing I remember hearing was the flat line of my sister." He paused for a moment, caught up in the emotional story he was retelling. "When I woke up I had a hard time remembering where I was. I kept asking for my sister, for my mother, for my father, but the nurses just stared at me."  
  
He had a distant look in his eyes now, as though he was trying to escape the pain by putting it in the farthest realms of his mind. Elizabeth, still holding his hand, watched him intently as he tried his hardest to recount the tale.  
  
"No one would tell me anything" he continued "not where my sister was, not where my parents were, they all just kept staring. I could see it in their eyes." He stopped now, coming out of the reverie he was lost in.  
  
Elizabeth looked at him, he was no longer distant, but, she could see, he was still trying to keep his emotions in check. He didn't want her to see him hurt.  
  
He wasn't continuing, and Elizabeth knew that he wouldn't unless she prompted him.  
  
"What did you see in their eyes?" she questioned, though she feared she already knew the answer.  
  
"Pity." He said simply. "I saw pity in the eyes of everyone that entered my room. The nurses all looked at me with such sorrow in their eyes, and all the while I kept asking for someone, anyone, to come and hold my hand." He halted the words here, and looked down at Elizabeth's hand holding on tightly to his.  
  
He now realized that though the pain was heavy, and though the pain was hard, he now had someone to hold his hand. And that was the only thing the 12 year old Robert Romano had wanted.  
  
He made up his mind to see this on through, so he continued, with renewed emotion, as he realized he wasn't alone. That Elizabeth wouldn't condemn him for what happened. Maybe she was a friend after all.  
  
"I waited. I waited and waited and waited. For how long, I don't know. But I kept waiting for someone to come and tell me that everything was all right, that everything would be fine. I'm sure it was only a few minutes, but it seemed like forever until the doctor walked into the room. And I knew, I knew exactly what he was going to say. He didn't even have to say it... I knew. And I think he knew that I knew. But it was a formality, he had to say it." He looked at Elizabeth, then down at their hands again. "I didn't want to listen, and I tried to scream, to stop him from saying it. Somewhere inside I think that I believed that if he never said it, it wouldn't be true. That I would wake up from the horrible dream I was having and everything would be all right. But nothing came out. I tried to scream, but I couldn't. So I heard him. I heard everything he said..." he trailed off.  
  
The tears had returned to his eyes as he remembered that scared little boy waiting in the hospital bed for the good news that would never come.  
  
"Everyone was dead." He concluded. "Everyone. My sister, my mother, my father... I was the only one that survived." He said as tears rolled down his cheeks. "and that," he laughed wryly, "as why I am the asshole that sits before you today", he said as the tears continued to flow freely down his cheek.  
  
He swiped at them, trying to make them go away, but they just kept coming.  
  
'damn' he thought as he brought his free hand to his face. He wasn't going to let go of Elizabeth's hand, he needed to hold on.  
  
But he couldn't look at her. He couldn't look at her beautiful face full of pity. The one thing he didn't want from her. Love, kindness, mercy... love... everything except pity was what he wanted for her.  
  
"Robert." She said gently, "Look at me."  
  
But he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Somewhere inside, though Elizabeth knew. She knew he didn't want her pity, and that's not what she was going to give him.  
  
Suddenly Robert felt a tear land on his hand, the one holding Elizabeth's, and he realized that it wasn't his. His shock caused him to look at Elizabeth's face, and though he did not want to, he locked eyes with her.  
  
She didn't say anything, she didn't need to... her misty eyes conveyed it all. He didn't see pity in her eyes, but compassion. And in her beautiful face he saw the friend he'd so desperately wanted.  
  
"Robert." She said again, softly, as she brought his hand to her face and kissed it gently.  
  
"Yeah, well." He stated with a half smile.  
  
"I am sorry." She offered.  
  
"Nah, don't be." He said, "I'm fine."  
  
"Robert, you're not fine, and I'd wish you'd stop saying that."  
  
Romano was sitting there, raw with emotion... but he couldn't help but think that all Elizabeth felt for him was pity.  
  
"Elizabeth, don't pity me." He said coldly.  
  
"Robert, I don't pity you." She said softly, trying to make him understand.  
  
"Elizabeth, stop." Romano said tightly, he was done with the waterworks, and the emotional display, "I know that my story is sad and heartbreaking, but I don't want your damn pity."  
  
Elizabeth was incredulous. She didn't know how this man could go from completely emotional one minute to utterly emotionless the next.  
  
But it pissed her off. She wasn't angry AT him, but damn, this was getting to be too much.  
  
"Well, it's a good thing you don't want my damn pity Robert, because that's not what you have. You have my sympathy, my empathy, my care... my friendship." She said.  
  
"Elizabeth, sympathy, empathy... all forms of pity." He took his hand out of hers and rubbed his temples.  
  
"Robert, will you stop trying to push me away? I want to help you through this."  
  
"I am through this Elizabeth." He said as he began to get up.  
  
"No you're not Robert. You are anything but through this. You haven't talked to anyone about this in what, 24 years?"  
  
"What the hell difference does that make Elizabeth? I'm strong."  
  
"I know you're strong Robert, but this is not a question of strength."  
  
Romano knew he was acting foolish, but he had no choice but to push Elizabeth away. She wanted friendship... he had love. And, though somewhere deep inside, he knew it wasn't true, he believed that Elizabeth held nothing but pity for him. And he didn't want a friendship with the most beautiful woman that had ever walked the earth, out of mere pity.  
  
"No Elizabeth? Then what is this a question of? Integrity? The ability to Cope?"  
  
"I'm not sure it IS a question Robert, but I want to be there for you."  
  
"Be there for me when Lizzie? Look, I just wanted you to know why it is that I am the person that I am. I don't expect you to magically think of me as a wonderful person; I'm not. I don't expect you to defend me to your colleagues; I don't deserve it. I just thought you should know."  
  
"I do know now Robert, so why are you pushing you away?"  
  
"Because, Elizabeth, you only want to be there because of my past." He said as he threw a five onto the table, "and I don't want that."  
  
'and because I love you, but I know that you could never hold those types of feelings for me' he thought to himself as he walked out the door into the brisk Chicago air.  
  
Elizabeth sat stunned at the table in the diner... what had just happened? Robert Romano had gone from hot to cold in a matter of seconds.  
  
She should go after him, she thought. But she didn't. She was too shell- shocked, she didn't know what to say.  
  
'But,' she thought, 'this isn't over.'  
  
And, in the famous words of Scarlett O'Hara, Elizabeth Corday proclaimed: "Tomorrow is another day."  
  
And she would be there for Robert, even if he didn't want her to be.  
  
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Well, there it was... Chapter 5. Will Elizabeth be able to get through to Romano?? Will Romano be able to avoid Corday? Will Robert ever tell Elizabeth how he feels about her? Will she feel the same way???  
  
Tune in next time to find out.  
  
*By the way: Please don't be angry that I made Romano so emotional, or that I made him go from hot to cold in seconds. It just can't end here. And I think we all know that Romano would try immediately to put up his defenses again.... ASAP... so, please forgive me!  
  
And review it if you so choose. 


	6. Pretending nothing happened

Here is the next installment!... I'm sure you can hardly control your joy! Just kidding, I hope that it's all right... I'm trying hard to keep the story up, though I may get Corday and Romano out of Character at times...  
  
Let me know what you think....  
  
Thanks, ~Natalie~ ******************************************************************  
  
The morning air was chilly and bleak in the great city of Chicago. Distant police and ambulance sirens could be heard echoing through the seemingly empty streets. Elizabeth Corday pulled her jacket tighter around her body and entered County General Hospital; her second home.  
  
She was still incredibly shocked about the occurrences of the previous night. She couldn't believe that Robert Romano had let his guard down, but even more so, she could not believe how quickly he rebuilt it. He told her that no one knew him, but while that was perhaps true, no one knew him better than she did.  
  
She had often thought of Robert Romano as an arrogant, pompous ass that was so full of pride that he couldn't even see straight. In a way, she guessed, she still felt that way. He was full of pride, he was arrogant, and heaven knows he was pompous, but she came to realize that maybe somewhere inside he had a heart.  
  
She was the type of person that completely despised excuses, particularly for behavior. But though she still hated the forming of excuses, she could see now that Robert did have a reason to be the way that he was.  
  
Traumatized at such a young age... but there was still explaining to do. Why was he so cold and distant all of the time? Was he just afraid? She wanted to know. But she didn't want to want to know.  
  
She had tried to be his friend, and he had pushed her away. But then, she probably would have pushed him away had the situations been reversed. They were the same type of people: Self-assured and independent. Neither one of them ever wanted to admit that they couldn't do it by themselves; they never let on to anyone that they needed someone else. Need was indeed their nemesis.  
  
But damnit, she had reached out to Robert. And he had pushed her away. She had tried to offer him comfort, and he walked away. That pissed her off to no end because she felt embarrassed. She, too, had let her guard down, and Robert had embarrassed her. She was not so quick to put her guard back up again, and she didn't know why she was slow on the uptake.  
  
Last night she had vowed that she would be there for Robert Romano. But that was before she had put her guard back up. Tomorrow WAS another day (today), and she had decided that she was angry. Her prideful nature would not allow her to beg for Robert's trust or friendship. She was going to treat Robert in the exact manner that he treated her. She didn't know why he was such an impossible man. Well, she did, but at the same time, she didn't. What had happened to him was awful, and she understood how it could make a person retreat into a cold persona, but she didn't understand how it could make him turn away from someone offering friendship and comfort.  
  
But, then again, she also didn't know that Robert was in love with her.  
  
She was bumped out of her reverie by the clinical smell of the hospital, and the elevator door chiming as it opened. She stepped into the elevator prepared to meet with Robert, and utterly prepared to fight fire with fire.  
  
She stepped off the elevator and headed to the lounge to put her things away. She put on her lab coat and walked out of the lounge, prepared to meet with whatever it was Fate would bring her way. As she entered the surgical room to scrub in for her scheduled surgery, she saw it: The unmistakable scrub cap of Robert Romano.  
  
She cautiously entered the room to find Romano scrubbing in as well. He briefly looked at her, but said nothing.  
  
'Fine' she thought, as she picked up the soap and began to lather. 'Two can play at this game', and she didn't even acknowledge him.  
  
The surgery was routine, and went fine. Neither of the two surgeons exchanged anything except for directions. "Suction." Etc.  
  
Elizabeth made her way down to the ER for a consult, and on her way down she couldn't believe the audacity of that man! He was so incredibly infuriating. He bares his soul to her the night previous, and doesn't say word one to her the following day.  
  
She asked by whom she had been paged, and she followed the finger to Exam 3, whereby she entered. She was introducing herself when she noticed Romano scrawling on the chart.  
  
"You're late Dr. Corday." He said with finality.  
  
She ignored his snide comment and proceeded with the examination.  
  
"What's your analysis Dr. Corday?" he questioned.  
  
'so formal' she thought. "Well, Dr. Romano," She said coldly, "This patient is in dire need of an appendectomy, the appendix is about to rupture, if it has not begun so to do already." She stated matter-of- factly.  
  
"Correct" he said, matching her tone. Noticing her lack of movement, he urged "Well, then get the patient up stairs."  
  
She looked at him with eyes of fury as she said: "Yes, Dr. Romano." If looks could kill, Dr. Romano would have been dead a thousand times over.  
  
She performed the surgery and decided she needed a break. She was pissed again. Romano was completely cold towards her and she couldn't believe it. So, she made her way to the lounge.  
  
But, as luck would have it, Romano was there.  
  
"Afternoon Lizzie." He said casually.  
  
"Good afternoon." She said through clenched teeth.  
  
"Something the matter?" He asked pretending as though nothing happened.  
  
She wanted to reach out to him again... but her pride would not let her.  
  
"No." she said.  
  
"Very well." He said and continued reading his paper.  
  
'This man is impossible!' she thought to herself, her anger getting the better of her. She was on the verge of lashing out once again, but something stopped her. She looked at him, and could see something in his eyes, though he wasn't looking at her, and it made her anger disappear. She still didn't understand why he was doing this, but she wanted to. And her pride, though it didn't want to let her, stepped aside, and she decided that she would talk to him.  
  
"Robert" she began "talk to me."  
  
He looked surprised. "Why Lizzie, whatever do you mean? I have been talking to you."  
  
"That's not what I mean Robert, and you know it." She cautioned.  
  
He did know it, but he didn't know what to say. So he shrugged and said "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
She felt herself get angry once again, but she kept her temper in check, she wanted to help him, despite the callous individual he had become. She couldn't help but envision the scared twelve year old boy that had lost both of his parents, and a sister with whom he had been fighting.  
  
"Robert." She said sternly, it was an invitation to talk, it was a warning as well.  
  
But he would not take the bait. "Lizzie." He mocked seriousness. He didn't want to talk about it. He hated not having control, and every single time he looked into her eyes he lost control, he had last night, and he didn't want it to happen again.  
  
"Robert... why are you doing this?"  
  
"Doing what?" he acted unconcerned.  
  
"This." He said nothing.  
  
"This. All of this pushing me away, why are you doing it? Can't you see that I am trying to help you? That I just want to... be your friend."  
  
"Yes Elizabeth, I see that you just want to be my friend." He stated.  
  
But she didn't catch his meaning. He was pushing her away because he loved her. Because he didn't want to get hurt. Because he knew that she could never love someone like him.  
  
"Then why are you acting like this?" she questioned, still trying to be gentle.  
  
"Maybe I don't want to be your friend... maybe I don't want your help." He said. As these words came from his mouth, he hurt. It hurt him so much to lie to the woman with whom he was in love. But he didn't have the courage to tell her what he felt for her.  
  
He laughed mentally at the irony of the situation. Rocket Romano was scared.  
  
And his words hurt her as well. She didn't understand why he was acting this way, she didn't understand why he was pretending he never opened up to her, she didn't understand why he had put his guard back up.  
  
Elizabeth Corday didn't understand a lot of things...  
  
.... Particularly the deep feelings that Robert Romano had for her.  
  
She knew what he was doing... he was trying to make her angry, maybe even trying to hurt her, to push her away. She felt her temper flare once more, but decided that she wouldn't yell at him. Because she knew he didn't mean what he said. So she chose option B:  
  
"Then why, Robert?" she questioned.  
  
"Why what?" he asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"Why did you tell me all of that last night? Why did you bare your past to me only to act like this the very next day?" she was getting closer to him, and he didn't like the proximity.  
  
He backed up. That wasn't in his nature, but he didn't know what else to do, so, he backed up.  
  
"Everyone makes mistakes Lizzie."  
  
"You're telling me that your baring your soul to me last night was a mistake? Just something you did on a whim, an action for which you are extremely sorry now?"  
  
"Yes Elizabeth that is what I'm telling you."  
  
That was it, she couldn't pretend that this conversation wasn't hurting her anymore, but she still did not let her anger get the best of her...  
  
"Then quit lying to me Robert. I'm tired of playing this little game. And I'm tired of you trying to push me away. I'm quite frankly, just tired of trying. I don't know why you told me what you did last night, and I don't know why you're pretending now that nothing happened." She paused, he said nothing. "But I feel sorry for you Robert."  
  
He was angry now, "That's the one thing I DON'T want Elizabeth! Don't you understand that? I don't want you damned pity! I don't want your damned Friendship! I don't want a damn thing from you!"  
  
He tried to leave, but she wouldn't let him, she had something to say, and she was going to say it.  
  
"If you would just shut up and listen for a change, Robert. That is NOT why I feel sorry for you."  
  
"Oh, it's not?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
"No, it's not Robert." She affirmed.  
  
"Why then, Elizabeth" he humored her, "Why do you feel sorry for me?"  
  
****************************************************************** Why does Corday feel sorry for Romano? Will Romano let his guard down for good?? Will Elizabeth put her guard back up?? Will there be yelling? Will there be love? Will there be angst?? Will there be kisses? ... And most importantly: Will they get together??? Tune in next time to find out! Well, there's chapter... 6! I hope it was more in character for Romano. I know Elizabeth is reaching out more that her character probably would, but if she didn't, I would have no story.  
  
Frankly, if I kept them both in context, we would have the occurrences of the show...and nobody wants that!!!  
  
Review if you'd like... please.  
  
Thanks!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	7. Trying to mend the Situation

"I feel sorry for you Robert because you're too damned full of pride to let anyone in. You came so close last night to allowing me to be your friend, and now... now you're throwing everything away."  
  
He started to protest, but she waved her hand and said firmly "I'm not finished yet." She continued: "You are a brilliant man Robert, but you are incredibly stupid. Yes, you're right, people do see you as arrogant, but that's because you are. And you're pompous, and cruel, and unkind, but even those horrid attributes aren't the worst of your vices."  
  
"Oh, and I suppose you're going to tell me what is?" he asked skeptically.  
  
"You're damn right I am. Your worst vice Dr. Robert Romano is the wall you've put around your heart. You won't let anyone in. Not even those that want to help you."  
  
"Elizabeth, you don't understand."  
  
"No Robert, I understand perfectly."  
  
"I've been hurt Elizabeth, not just when my family died, but thereafter. By life and by love."  
  
"Oh come on Robert. You're not so naïve enough to actually believe that you're the only one that's been hurt, are you? Everyone's been hurt Robert. I've had my heart broken many a times, but I don't push people away when all they want to do is help."  
  
Her words were affecting him, though he didn't want to admit it. He knew she was right, Hell, she was always right. He'd never known her to be wrong. But she didn't know all sides of the story. And he didn't want to tell her... not... yet. But still, though he wanted to be strong, he felt the human inside him wanting to tell her the truth again. Not only because she was trying to help him, not only because he trusted her, not only because she was there, but also because he loved her. With every fiber of his being he loved her. He loved her 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And it was killing him emotionally, mentally, and physically trying to push her away.  
  
"It's different for you Lizzie." He said, and looked downward.  
  
She was incredulous. Everything was always worse for him. "How Robert? How is it different for me?" she questioned.  
  
He didn't answer.  
  
"Well Robert? If you're going to throw something as foolish as that at me you better bloody well have something to back it up with."  
  
"You're you Lizzie" he said. "I'm me."  
  
"And we're so different?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. Yes we are. Can't you see it Elizabeth?"  
  
"No Robert, I'm afraid I can't."  
  
"Then I can't show it to you Lizzie." He said defeatedly.  
  
"Of course you can't Robert. You're not willing to try."  
  
And with that, Elizabeth Corday exited the lounge, preparing to make her rounds.  
  
But inside the lounge was a broken man. He brought his hands to his face, backed against the wall, and slid down to the floor. What he felt inside was awful, and he didn't want to experience it. Robert "Rocket" Romano was terrified. He was terrified that he'd lost his only friend forever. He wanted to go to her, to tell her the words hidden so deep inside his heart, but he couldn't. He just couldn't show her the love he had inside his heart.  
  
And he knew it. He knew he was a coward for running away. But he didn't know what else to do. A part of him said to stand up and fight, but he couldn't do that. He didn't know how. Not with Lizzie.  
  
And the worst of it was he couldn't pretend like nothing had happened, that everything was okay, and go on and forget about Elizabeth Corday. That was the tragedy of love. You couldn't simply let it go. He knew that, Lord knows he'd tried to erase the feelings he had for her, but it wasn't possible. She was the only one that considered him a human, even if not fully, she was the only one that cared.  
  
He'd heard it said once that letting go was the hardest part. But he didn't think so. Because if he COULD let go, he would gladly. But Robert Romano knew differently than the age old adage... holding on was the hardest part. Holding onto false hope was the worst experience anyone could ever encounter... and that is all Robert Romano felt he had: False hope.  
  
He was a realist. Oh, how he was a realist, but he couldn't help the part of him that struggled to be an idealist. He wanted desperately to believe that Elizabeth could love him. And a part of him ignorantly held onto that false hope... but the rest of him knew that it could never be. She was a human, and he, was not.  
  
Meanwhile, across the hospital, Elizabeth Corday was in an elevator thinking deeply about her conversation with Dr. Romano. 'What did he mean?' she pondered 'We're different. How are we different?'  
  
This question plagued her for the rest of the day, yet she did not see Dr. Romano the rest of the day. She arrived at home to the sound of the ominous beep of the answering machine. 'Great, more people to call, more time to waste.' She thought.  
  
She moseyed over to the answering machine and hit the 'play' button. There was a message from a telemarketer, oh how she despised them, one from her mother, yet another from a telemarketer, but it was the final one that caught her attention.  
  
"Lizzie. It's me. Um, I think that we need to talk. I have some apologizing to do, and I'd really like to do it in person. So, uh, give me a call when you get this, thanks." And there was a pause. "Oh yeah, this is Robert" And then the beep signaling the end of the message.  
  
She smiled to herself, musing over the last portion of the message. She had known who it was.  
  
But she really didn't want to talk to him; she was still struggling inside of her mind. Should she call him or not? Could things actually be different? 


	8. Neverending cycle

The next installment.... I know, I'm cranking them out pretty quickly... But I'm on Spring Break, I have nothing better to do, but sleep, exercise, watch TV, Read and go to work.... I'm choosing to write.... So here we go... on with the show.  
  
I'm trying to keep the story going, but there are still a few more things that I want to put out there... please bear with me.  
  
Review.... Please..... : )  
  
~Natalie~ ******************************************************************  
  
Elizabeth Corday woke to the loud shrill of an alarm clock. Apparently it was morning. She didn't remember falling asleep; all she remembered was deciding not to call Robert. She quite frankly, did not want to talk with him. She was afraid of what she might say. She yawned and rolled out of bed. She wandered into the bathroom, and rubbed her eyes as she approached the mirror. Her flaming red hair was tousled from sleep, and her eyes were quite droopy. "You look like Hell Elizabeth." She said to herself in the mirror.  
  
Today was not going to be a good day.  
  
She could feel it.  
  
She got ready for work and took the morning train to the Hospital. On the train she was unable to find a seat; a feat that was not often hard for her... the day was already starting out poorly.  
  
She got off at her exit, and walked ominously to the hospital. She didn't want to see Robert, and that was precisely why she didn't return his call. She didn't understand the man, and she was tired of trying.  
  
As luck would have it, he was the very first person she saw as she walked through the doors.  
  
"`Morning Lizzie." He said as she approached. Then: "Wow, you look like Hell." He always had to get his digs in. She knew he was mad, but she didn't much care.  
  
"Oh shut up Robert." Elizabeth said.  
  
Yep, today was definitely not going to be a good day.  
  
It was her turn to consult a patient down in the ER, it just so happened that her patient was next to Robert's. To make a long story short, they had a disagreement over the diagnosis. She thought the patient needed surgery; he didn't.  
  
"The man doesn't need surgery Lizzie. Now leave." But she stood her ground "He needs surgery Robert, and I'm not leaving."  
  
Romano was thoroughly angry and he approached her, invading her personal space "Dr. Corday, I believe I said to vacate this room, did I not?"  
  
"Well..." she began vehemently  
  
"That was a yes or no question Dr. Corday. Is that not what I said?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Well, then you heard me just fine. But then, I forgot, you have quite a way about ignoring requests." He was referring to the phone call.  
  
"How dare you bring that up in regards to this situation? That has nothing to do with whether or not this man needs surgery!"  
  
"Dr. Corday, I don't know to what you are referring, but I was making a generalization about your blatant inability to follow directions."  
  
"And I was remarking about your blatant inability to be anything other than an asshole." She said hotly.  
  
He was pissed now. "Dr. Corday, come with me."  
  
She didn't move.  
  
"I said come with me"  
  
She followed, not because he told her, but because she didn't want to make a further spectacle of their argument in front of all the others in the room.  
  
The two walked out of the Exam room, and Drs. Lewis and Carter stood bewildered by what had just happened before their very eyes.  
  
Dr. Romano led Corday to an empty exam room.  
  
"What the hell was that Elizabeth?"  
  
"The man needs surgery."  
  
"I don't care what your opinion is. I said that the man doesn't need surgery. Don't belittle me in front of my colleagues again, is that understood?"  
  
She remained silent, biting her tongue, trying to hold back the sarcastic comment that came to mind when he said 'belittle'. "Is that understood Dr. Corday?"  
  
"Yes." She sighed  
  
"Good." And with that, he walked out, leaving Elizabeth alone with her thoughts.  
  
'Christ,' she thought, 'what the hell has happened?' It wasn't two days ago when Romano reached out to her, and now... now they were completely torn apart. It was like they were arch enemies... or two school kids on the playground trying to decide who gets to play the next game.  
  
She hated it. Because even though she thought Romano to be completely volatile at times, she still liked him. He was a friend, but she couldn't keep trying to break down the wall. She just couldn't.  
  
'But you didn't have to Elizabeth' her conscience reminded her 'he called you last night, and you chose not to return his call.'  
  
She felt as though they were going around in an endless circle, in some cruel cycle. First she was mad, and he was hurt, then he opened up to her, and then he pushed her away, and then she tried to make things right, but he wouldn't have it, then he tries to make things right, and she won't have it, and then she makes him angry....  
  
She wished she could reverse the clock and never lash out at Romano. Then, things would not be so difficult. Everything would be quite easy. They wouldn't be mad, they wouldn't be hurt, they wouldn't be scared, and they wouldn't be sad.  
  
She didn't know why she acted the way she had. She really didn't even know why she didn't call him back.  
  
And so it remained: There were many things that Elizabeth Corday didn't know.  
  
... Things such as how in the next exam room Robert Romano was a shattered man. Robert Romano was a terrified man. Robert Romano was a hurting man.  
  
And Elizabeth had no idea.  
  
Corday walked slowly out of the Exam room and headed towards her next consult. She found Dr. Carter waiting for her.  
  
"Hey." He said.  
  
"Hello, I'm here for a consult." She stated the obvious.  
  
"Yep, right here." Carter offered.  
  
Elizabeth began her examination as Dr. Lewis walked in, all the time she could feel their eyes on her. Finally, she could stand it no longer.  
  
"What?" She questioned, somewhat annoyed.  
  
Carter couldn't resist "What just happened a minute ago?"  
  
"What do you mean what happened?"  
  
Lewis continued "Between you and Dr. Romano."  
  
"We had a difference of opinion" Stated Corday.  
  
"Ah, is that what they're calling it these days" Lewis mused.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
Carter followed Lewis's lead "I thought it was called a lover's tiff."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Corday repeated.  
  
"... Isn't something going on between you two?" Lewis questioned.  
  
"A mere row made you believe that Robert and I are together?"  
  
"Normal people don't fight like that. Not that Romano's normal" Lewis said "but, you are."  
  
"No. Heaven's no we're not together. We just had an argument..." she trailed off. "... you got all of that from a few words?"  
  
"Well," Carter began "That and the fact that Romano is completely in l..." But he couldn't finish due to the fact that Lewis had elbowed him in the rib cage.  
  
"What? Romano is completely in what?"....  
  
"In lieu of finding a better means of communication..." Carter tried.  
  
"Do you really think me stupid? Finish your sentence Carter. Now." She demanded.  
  
"Well... That and the fact that Romano is completely in love with you."  
  
****************************************************************  
  
How will Elizabeth respond to this harrowing news? Is it actually harrowing??? Will Elizabeth and Romano make up? Will they make out? (haha).... It's all up to me.... I really hope that you guys didn't hate it... I'm sorry if you feel that it's like a cycle, but I just have this precise way that I want things to be executed.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would greatly appreciate it!!!!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	9. Is it true?

Well, I'm new to the whole fanfiction scene, but I just wanted to thank everyone that has reviewed my story, and I hope that you enjoyed it, and I hope that you continue to enjoy it!!!  
  
And don't worry Sheilaroo, I have 2 weeks off for Spring Break! ; )  
  
So, without further adieu... here's chapter 9... please review.  
  
Yes, that rhymed! Again, I hope that you like it... and if you don't, I'm sorry.  
  
~Natalie~  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Elizabeth scoffed: "Carter, you can't be serious." She stopped examining the patient. "That is absolutely ridiculous."  
  
Carter and Lewis looked at one another: "Whatever you say Dr. Corday." Lewis chimed as they both exited the room.  
  
She followed them "Your patient is in need of surgery, I'll take him up to the OR in a few minutes." She turned to go, but then changed her mind "Dr. Lewis?"  
  
She turned around, "Yeah?"  
  
"What makes you think that Robert is...?"  
  
She rolled her eyes "Come on Elizabeth, it's written all over his face every single time he looks at you. He's head over heels."  
  
Elizabeth still could not believe it, she turned to Carter "And, you agree?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Dr. Carter, did you not just hear that awful exchange between Robert and me?"  
  
"No, I heard just fine." He paused for dramatic effect "Doesn't matter. The guy's in love with you."  
  
Elizabeth turned and walked away mumbling "I'll take your patient up now." There is no way that this could be true; it was absolutely impossible. She knew it was completely and utterly preposterous. Robert and she were friends, nothing more, and hell, he didn't even want to be that anymore.  
  
She wondered where on earth Carter and Lewis would have come up with such an odd idea as that.  
  
She was in another world as she rolled the patient towards the elevator, so much so that she didn't notice Robert Romano's eyes on her, and she didn't see the obvious pain of unrequited love.  
  
Robert stood in the hall watching as the doors closed on Elizabeth's solemn face. He hated, more than anything, being estranged from her. He knew that he was in the wrong, but he tried to let her in and she hadn't even called him back.  
  
'Well' he thought, 'you had your chance' and it was true. His conscience would let him lie to everyone else, but not to himself. She had tried to mend things between them, and he hadn't allowed it. He had, as always, pushed her away. He didn't like pain, any type of it, and that is all he could foresee when he tried to envision a future with Elizabeth Corday.  
  
He brought his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes.  
  
Carter, who had witnessed the entire scene came up to Romano, smiled, and said "So, you gonna tell her?"  
  
Romano, jolted out of his thoughts said indignantly "Excuse me?"  
  
"I said, you gonna tell her?"  
  
"Tell who what?"  
  
"Tell Dr. Corday that you love her."  
  
Romano looked shocked at first, but recovered quickly, and said, regarding Carter with disdain "Oh shut up and go kill somebody." And with that, he stalked off.  
  
Carter just laughed.  
  
As Romano headed back to the OR he wondered if he was really that transparent. And he wondered how on earth he let it slip. He thought that he had always been so careful; he thought that no one had known but himself. He had been wrong, and he absolutely hated being wrong.  
  
As he stepped out of the elevator, Romano wondered how many other people knew the truth... how many knew of his love? But most importantly, did Elizabeth know how he felt? Is that why she didn't call him back? A million questions raced through his mind as he walked down the hall.  
  
He saw Elizabeth and his heart sunk even deeper than usually into his stomach. He felt... embarrassed. What if she knew?  
  
Robert felt his world starting to crumble. He was a realist, not an idealist; he based his knowledge on cold hard facts. And cold hard facts told him that Elizabeth could never return his feelings. So he did the only thing he knew to do, he turned away and entered and empty operating room before Elizabeth had the chance to see him.  
  
Elizabeth saw Romano enter the Operating Room, and she even considered calling out to him, but she decided it wasn't such a good idea. Perhaps it was just too soon for them to be civil, and she really did not desire a recurrence of the earlier argument.  
  
Elizabeth walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Yep, she still looked like hell. The day had been, as she expected, horrible. At least she was off in... she looked at her watch, "45 minutes" she said aloud.  
  
She turned on the faucet and hunched over the sink splashing ice cold water on her face, while continuing to look at herself in the mirror. After a moment, she finally dried her face off and exited the bathroom at a brisk pace. As luck would have it though, she ran directly into Dr. Romano.  
  
"Excuse me." She said before she had a chance to realize who it was.  
  
He bit back a rude comment when he noticed that it was her. So instead, he said nothing and walked away.  
  
Elizabeth decided that was enough and chose to go home. Her shift wasn't completely over, but she didn't care, it was close enough on a bad day.  
  
She went home and tried to take her mind off of Carter's words. She took a long hot bath and told herself that it wasn't true, that Robert was not in love with her. She tried to fall asleep, but she couldn't stop thinking about it no matter how hard she tried.  
  
There was only one thing to do.  
  
*************************************************************** What is the only thing to do??? And will she actually do it??? What will happen next? We shall see....  
  
I hope you all enjoyed it... and I hope that it kept your interest.  
  
There wasn't much dialogue, I know, but I still hope y'all enjoyed it.  
  
I have the outlines for chapters 10-14 (they should be relatively short)... but I hope you all keep interest.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! I truly appreciate reading everything you guys have to say!  
  
---Thanks--- ~Natalie~ 


	10. Calling to Ask

Author's Note: Well, I've been sort of... worried... for the past day or so (in regards to this story). I'm not sure if it's heading in the right direction, etc. I don't want to be repetitive or boring with it... so, I'm trying. If y'all don't like it, I'm sorry!  
  
Thanks everyone, for your positive reviews, I hope I can keep you all satisfied with the upcoming chapters. This has been giving me something to do on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays when I'm at work... it makes the five hours that children are screaming and fighting around me go oh so quickly.  
  
~Natalie~  
  
***********************************************************  
Elizabeth picked up the phone and dialed a number that she had never before dialed. She had butterflies in her stomach but she couldn't quite figure out why. She should not be frightened or nervous... but she was, and there was nothing she could do to change that.  
  
She listened as the phone rang four times without an answer. She felt a mixture of two emotions as the answering machine picked up.  
  
"Hello, you've reached Dr. Robert Romano, I'm not able to come to the phone right now, but I'm sure you know what to do, and if you don't then I don't want to talk to you anyway."  
  
Relief and... disappointment? Those were definitely the emotions Elizabeth felt as the machine picked up, but she didn't know why she was feeling the latter.  
  
She chuckled as she heard Romano's answering machine. It was so...so... him. She sighed as she both waited for the beep and contemplated whether or not she should actually leave a message. It was decision time as the beep sounded.  
  
She decided that she may as well leave a message since she had, in fact, called to speak with him.  
  
On the other end of the phone line Robert Romano sat in the dark of his house listening to the beep of his answering machine. He didn't know who was calling, and he quite frankly, didn't much care. Whoever it was couldn't take away his pain. Nothing could do that except the glass of bourbon he held in his hand, and that couldn't even completely vanquish the pain, just numb certain portions of it.  
  
He was never one to drink, except when the occasion called for it, and this occasion most definitely called for it. It was the most depressing situations known to mankind: That of unrequited love. He had known it many times before, but he never felt it quite as intensely as he did on this dark night.  
  
He waited to see if the caller would leave a message, not that it mattered much. But, his assertion changed when he heard the voice on the machine:  
  
"Robert, it's Elizabeth." There was a slight pause, and he thought about picking up the phone, but he quickly changed his mind. "Um, I suppose you're not home. Uh, I was calling because..." She paused again. "Well, because there's something I would like to speak to you about. So, if you could give me a call back, that would be great. Thanks." And then she hung up. He reached for the phone, but changed his mind and opted instead for the bottle of bourbon sitting next to it. He poured himself another glass and tried to drink his sorrow away.  
  
Meanwhile, Elizabeth sighed and hung up the phone. She felt disappointed. She really wanted to get this straightened out with Robert and though it surprised her, the mere fact that she didn't get to talk to him disappointed her as well.  
  
She also felt a strange sense of nervousness. And she wasn't the type to get nervous about anything, really. When he called back... if he called back she really didn't know what she'd say. 'Uh, Robert, are you in love with me? `Cause that's what I heard.' 'Yeah, Elizabeth,' she thought, 'that's tactful.' She decided that she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.  
  
She went and got her robe on, and climbed into bed. She tried to read, but she just couldn't concentrate on the words printed in front of her. All she could think about was Robert. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep wondering when he was going to call.  
  
The trill sound of a telephone woke Elizabeth from the depths of slumber. She fumbled for the phone while trying to comprehend what time it was. She finally grasped the phone and managed to press 'talk'.  
  
"Hello?" She said groggily as she struggled to sit up. There was silence.  
  
"Hello?" she said again.  
  
"Elizabeth? Sorry, did I wake you?"  
  
"Yes, but..."  
  
"Well, maybe I should let you go then..."  
  
"No, Robert." She said "It's fine."  
  
"Are you sure?" he questioned.  
  
"Yeah," she said as she stifled a yawn.  
  
"I, uh, got your message, and I'm just returning your call" He stated, at a loss for what to say next.  
  
"Right, thanks," She paused "So... Robert, um... how are you?"  
  
"Fine" he lied "Is that really why you called? To see how I was?"  
  
"No" she began "I, uh, just wanted to apologize for today." She lied. She was sorry that they had fought, but that certainly wasn't why she had called.  
  
"Not necessary Lizzie, truly." He said. He didn't want her apologies; she didn't need to offer them. "Now, is that the only reason you called?"  
  
What was she to say? "Yes." She offered.  
  
His voice inflected a little, and Elizabeth thought she heard a hitch of disappointment as he said: "all-right, then I'll be going now." There was silence "Bye."  
  
She had a split second to stop and ask him the question that was burning in her mind...  
  
"Robert, wait." She said quickly.  
  
"Yes, Lizzie" he sounded slightly hopeful; as though he was glad their conversation was being prolonged.  
  
"That's not the only reason I called."  
  
************************************************************* Well, I'll refrain from the questions I usually asked, since I have been told that they're not needed : ) ... I liked asking them, though. But, I'm sure y'all can do a good enough job on your own.  
  
Please please please let me know what you're thinking on this [storyline as a whole, etc.]. I don't want to disappoint anyone.  
  
Thank you kindly.  
  
~Natalie~ 


	11. The Burning Question

Okay, here's chapter 11. I'm still requesting that everyone lets me know what they think... I hate disappointing people. I'm one of those annoying people-pleasers, so please... Review. I would be extremely grateful!  
  
Thanks to those that have reviewed thus far! Particularly Sheilaroo, Saved- by-grace, mulderbabe77 (I love the X-Files), and MeoW03! And, to everyone else... Hearing your positive words makes me happy!  
  
Romano is his sarcastic self in this chapter (yay!) But I'll get into why later. I intend to revisit Romano's ordeal (in chapters 4 and 5) but I'm trying to wait for a better time.  
  
And here we go with Chapter 11:  
  
~Natalie~ ************************************************************  
  
"Why else did you call Elizabeth?" He asked cautiously.  
  
"Well, actually Robert, I had something to ask you."  
  
"Shoot." He said giving her the go-ahead. He said it with confidence, but inside, he was torn with negative thoughts.  
  
She began to say it, but changed her mind. She couldn't do this over the phone. There were certain things in life that just needed to be done over the phone and this, she decided, was most certainly one of them.  
  
"Well, actually, I don't think that the phone is the best place to do this."  
  
"Uh-oh" he joked, but he really wasn't joking at all.  
  
"She let out a small laugh "Do you think that you could come over?" She asked while looking at the clock; it was 11:00.  
  
"I don't know Elizabeth..." He started  
  
"Please Robert."  
  
That did it. He sighed, "All right, I'll be over in twenty minutes."  
  
"All right, thank you."  
  
"You're welcome" he said and hung up the phone.  
  
She sighed and wondered what she was going to say. She had twenty minutes to figure it out, and she didn't have even the slightest clue.  
  
Robert Romano finished off his glass of bourbon and thanked...someone...that he wasn't drunk. That wasn't the way he wanted to face Lizzie, three sheets to the proverbial wind... who knew what he'd say if he were that far gone. He really didn't even want to go over there... well, he did... but at the same time, he really didn't. He was worried. Why did she need to talk to him in person? He knew it must be something serious, there wasn't much people couldn't do over the phone. 'Yeah Robert, you know about THAT' he mused before continuing with his thoughts. A million scenarios came to his mind. But try as he might, he couldn't figure out what the correct one was. He simply didn't know, and Robert Romano hated not knowing, as he hadn't much experience in that field.  
  
He pulled on his coat and called a cab. He could be a stubborn man, but never a stupid one, and though he wasn't drunk, he didn't want to take a chance.  
  
The cab arrived and Romano got in and gave the driver Elizabeth's address. All the way there Robert pondered the situation. He tried to think of every single thing. What he would say to her when he arrived, what sarcastic remark he could make to camouflage his discomfort. But the question still remained: What did she want? He didn't have much time to figure it out because the cab was almost there.  
  
Elizabeth checked herself in the mirror; since she had spoken to Robert she had changed into jeans and a pale blue shirt. She sighed and walked into the living room. She kept going over different ways to say what she was thinking, but none of them were better than the one previous. How do you ask someone a question like that without sound odd? She guessed that it was impossible, but she willed to try, she had to know how Romano felt about her. And the only way to do that wasn't through hearsay or word of mouth... she had to ask him.  
  
She was in the middle of a thought when she heard a knock at the door. She got up from the chair and made her way to the door, she took a deep breath before answering it. Finally, she felt at least somewhat prepared, and the door swung open to reveal Romano looking quite nervous.  
  
"Robert." She greeted.  
  
"Lizzie." He echoed her tone.  
  
"Please, come in" Elizabeth offered while opening the door further to allow him access.  
  
He came in and there was a few minutes of uncomfortable silence as Robert looked around sort of surveying the place a bit.  
  
"Here, let me get your coat" Elizabeth said trying to be a good 'hostess'.  
  
"No, I can get it, thanks Lizzie." He said as he took his coat off and laid it on the couch.  
  
"Would you like some coffee, or tea maybe?" She asked.  
  
"Uh, sure, whatever you're having is fine."  
  
"All right, I'll be right back, make yourself comfortable." She said indicating the couch as she retreated to the kitchen.  
  
'Breathe Elizabeth,' she thought as she walked into the kitchen and made the tea. She was glad for the momentary break. She needed as much time as possible to gather her thoughts, but it was all too soon before the tea was ready. She poured it into two cups and walked back into the living room, giving herself a sort of mental pep talk.  
  
She offered a cup of tea to Robert and he accepted it graciously. "Thanks, Lizzie." He said as he took the cup.  
  
He brought the cup to his lips and took a sip. The look on his face told Elizabeth right away that he wasn't a fan of the tea she had made. His face scrunched up as he struggled to swallow it.  
  
She looked amused, and he noticed so he said: "The British and their damn tea."  
  
"Oh Robert, it can't be that bad."  
  
"Obviously Lizzie, you have never had good tea. Regular tea." He asserted.  
  
She rolled her eyes and took a sip of the tea. He looked away in mock disgust "I don't know how you can handle it." He said. Then added: "Oh, that's right, you're from Britain, you have a stomach lined with steel."  
  
She laughed before her face turned serious: "So, how are you Robert?" She asked. She was concerned.  
  
"I" he said "am wonderful." They had been over this already, and he saw no reason to tell her the truth, that he was miserable... that he was always miserable... and would probably always be miserable.  
  
"That's good." She said.  
  
And they lapsed into momentary silence.  
  
"And how are you, Lizzie?" He asked.  
  
"Me?" She said, as she started to continue, he cut her off.  
  
"Oh no, not you Lizzie. The other Lizzie standing right behind you." He joked.  
  
"Very funny" she remarked.  
  
"Well, it's hard to resist a rhetorical question as bright as that one."  
  
"Yes, I suppose."  
  
"But seriously... how are you?"  
  
"I'm..." She hesitated. "Fine. I'm fine."  
  
"Please don't sound so confident in that assertion."  
  
She smiled "No, I'm fine."  
  
"Really?" He sound concerned "Because I was questioning your mental health."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Because I'm here" he quipped. But Elizabeth somehow knew that he was serious. She said nothing though, aside from a small laugh, and there was another rather uncomfortable silence, this one longer than the first.  
  
"Seriously Lizzie," He said, finally looking at her. "Why am I here? What did you want to ask me?"  
  
She took a deep breath: "Well, today I heard something..." She paused.  
  
"And..." he waited, met only by her silence, he continued: "is that not an everyday occurrence? Are there some days that you don't hear anything?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
She chuckled nervously "I heard that... well... that... you have certain.... Feelings for me."  
  
He closed his eyes 'shit' he thought "well, Elizabeth, I have certain feelings for everyone."  
  
"That's not what I meant Robert."  
  
"What did you mean?" He knew what she meant, but he wasn't going to make this easier for her.  
  
She knew that he understood her meaning "I heard that you're... that you're... in love with me."... 'So much for tact' she thought.  
  
It was true of course, but Romano believed that if she had felt the same she wouldn't have confronted him.  
  
"Lizzie, I never knew you were one to believe hospital gossip! Who was the wise person that bestowed upon you this little pearl?"  
  
"That doesn't matter Robert..."  
  
"Sure it does, Lizzie. Just tell me" ... 'so I can make their work days a living hell' Romano thought.  
  
"It was Carte and Lewis..." She began to defend them, but considered it, and deemed it to be futile.  
  
"Well, consider the source" he mumbled as he clamped his forefinger and thumb down on the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Robert, I just... want to know if it's true."  
  
He looked at her, serious for only the second time that evening "What do your instincts tell you Lizzie?"  
  
She hesitated for a moment. She didn't know what they told her. "They tell me that... it isn't true." She stated.  
  
He paused for a moment, considering whether or not he should tell her how wrong she was, then: "Well, trust them then Lizzie. They've served you well in medicine. She saw a look in his eyes, one that appeared to be sadness, yet... something more, however she couldn't quite place it. He then stood to leave.  
  
"This is completely different"  
  
"Is it?" He asked as he shrugged on his coat.  
  
"I don't think so" he said "Use your instincts" he repeated as he headed for the door.  
  
"So then... you're not going to tell me yes or no Robert?" She questioned as he opened the door.  
  
He stopped momentarily, and then turned around to look at her, that same look in his eyes.  
  
"As yourself this Elizabeth: Does it matter?" he said as he stepped into the chilly Chicago air and closed the door.  
  
Elizabeth stood in shock. He hadn't answered her. She then walked into her living room and sat down.  
  
She considered Robert's words 'Does it really matter?' and she asked herself.  
  
'No' she decided, 'It doesn't matter.' She concluded as she went upstairs.  
  
That night, though, as she lay in bed trying to will sleep to come and seduce her, she couldn't get Robert and his question out of her mind...  
  
'Does it matter?'  
  
Maybe it did....  
  
***********************************************************  
  
Hmmm... does it??  
  
We'll find out next time!  
  
Please review... It makes me happy to know (for better or worse) what y'all think!  
  
Thanks!  
  
*Note to saved-by-grace: lol, I thought maybe they annoyed you, but thank you for letting me know! : ) I'm a people-pleaser! : )  
  
~Natalie~ 


	12. Reprimand

Here it is!!! Chapter 12 of "He is Human"! : ) I'm back in school now (two more months until graduation... woo hoo!) So it might take me awhile to get some of the chapters posted... There shouldn't be too many more to go until we reach the end of this story!  
  
Note: Carter is, as I like to call him, "Pre-Africa"... and "Pre-Abby." During the days when he was more carefree... and Lewis is... Lewis.  
  
But, you know what I'd love??  
  
FEEDBACK!  
  
Yep, uh huh, I would... because I haven't had any in a very long time.  
  
And also, "Consecrated to God" now has chapter 3 up... maybe y'all read it and didn't like it... but let me know either way... : ) There will be more to come... for all of my stories!  
  
But anyway... feedback PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
And... here we go....  
  
~Natalie~   
  
Robert Romano woke with the sun. He watched as the orange sun peeked over the horizon and filled the sky with amazing colors. The scene was painted beautifully with red, pink, orange, and purple streaks sparring over the entire sky. It was a magnificent sight and Robert felt almost a sense of loss as the colors disappeared when the sun finally and climactically reached its full potential.  
  
He groggily rolled out of bed. Damn, he was tired. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night previous. His thoughts had been preoccupied with his current situation. Elizabeth had flat out asked him if he loved her. Really, what was he SUPPOSED to say?  
  
"Why yes, Elizabeth, I'm glad you asked, the answer is yes, in fact, I've been in love with you for years now."  
  
Yeah, THAT would have gone over well. So, he did the only thing he knew how to do: He put up his defenses.  
  
He had asked her to ask herself if it really mattered. He was certain that it didn't, but he didn't know, at the time, what else to say. Not that he knew in retrospect, but at the time he had been shocked out of his mind. He didn't want to lie to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth, he simply couldn't.  
  
Trying to shrug off the memory of last night, Robert began to prepare for the day ahead of him. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The hot water flowed from the showerhead in a steaming stream. As he stepped into the water he tried to wash his thoughts away; it didn't work. His thoughts kept circling around to Elizabeth, no matter what he did.  
  
And that's how the ride to the hospital went as well. He just couldn't stop thinking about her. To be honest, that's how it usually was, but today it seemed worse, magnified even, his thoughts of her seeming almost forceful. His thoughts were so immersed in Elizabeth that he hardly noticed when he arrived at the hospital. Almost mechanically, Robert got out of the car and headed up to the OR. His stomach was in knots... would he see Elizabeth? He felt incredibly nervous as he stepped onto the surgical floor.  
  
Then, he remembered: today was Elizabeth's day off. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, and at the same time, he felt a pang of disappointment. He was disappointed because he didn't get to see her, yet he was relieved for the exact same reason. He wasn't sure if he could even face her. What if she decided that her instincts were wrong? What if she had realized that what Carter and Lewis had said was the absolute truth? How could he deal with that? ... Could he? Rocket Romano could do nearly anything, but when Elizabeth Corday was involved, things were exceedingly different. He was jolted out of his thoughts by the incessant beeping of his pager.  
  
He rode the elevator down to the ER. He looked at Jerry who directed him to trauma one. He pushed the door open to see Carter and Lewis trying to jumpstart a patient's heart. Romano rolled his eyes and asked: "What have we got?"  
  
There was no response.  
  
"Come on people, YOU paged ME here." Romano said impatiently.  
  
Lewis explained over her shoulder "30 year old male, hit by a drunk driver, he may need surgery...."  
  
"Ah, master of the obvious" Romano interjected.  
  
No. That's it. Call it." Carter said.  
  
As Lewis called the death, Romano began walking out the door, and as he was leaving, he tossed over his shoulder: "Make sure your patient's alive before bringing me down to this hellhole." He walked out of the door, before he reconsidered and reentered "And in 15 minutes, I need to see you in my office."  
  
"Who?" Carter and Lewis asked simultaneously.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes: "Both of you." He stated as he exited the trauma room at a brisk pace.  
  
. "As soon as he was gone Lewis turned and fixed a cool gaze on Carter. At first he didn't notice, but after a few seconds he felt the burning gaze on him.  
  
He looked up: "What?"  
  
"I'm going to kill you." She said with somewhat mock venom.  
  
Carter looked confused "What? Why?"  
  
She sighed: "Romano wants to see us" she stated simply.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Well, what do you think it's about?" she asked sarcastically.  
  
He shrugged "How should I know?"  
  
She fixed him with yet another cold stare.  
  
"Think about it." He looked confused for another moment before recognition finally crossed his face.  
  
"There ya go, Einstein." She mocked.  
  
He said nothing. "This is all your fault you know." She said as she began walking out of the room.  
  
Carter looked shocked as he began to follow her "What? Susan... how??"  
  
  
  
Romano made his way back to the surgical floor. He absolutely hated to be called down to the ER, but he positively detested being called down to the ER for no good reason. But, he also liked to look on the bright side... at least with this encounter. And, for this situation, the bright side was definitely Dr. Lewis's face when he'd told them to meet him in his office. It was absolutely priceless... like one of those commercials... Trip to the ER: 47 dollars. Two way elevator ride: 100 dollars. Energy used for the ordeal: 57 dollars. The look on a fellow colleagues mind when they're scared out of their wits: Priceless. Susan Lewis's face was priceless. He smirked to himself, it was a magnificent feeling: instilling that much fear. All the color had drained out of her face, he remembered with pride.  
  
Yep, she definitely knew what he wanted to see them about. Definitely.  
  
Romano went to his office to finish up some paperwork. After he was done, he tried to think about what he was going to say to the dynamic duo of Carter and Lewis. Granted, they HAD told Corday simply the God's honest truth, but that didn't change the fact that Romano was extremely pissed off. And, the truth didn't change the fact that they shouldn't have been talking about him and his emotions in the first place. This was a hospital for crying out loud, not a damn hair salon. Gossip shouldn't be spread, even the truthful gossip.  
  
And besides, it didn't matter if what they had said was the truth. It didn't matter that he loved Elizabeth because she didn't love him, and one- sided love was utterly pointless. That's all he would ever have with the beautiful Dr. Corday.  
  
As his thoughts began to progress they were interrupted by a knock at the door.  
  
"Come in" he said sternly.  
  
The door opened quickly and Carter and Lewis stepped in.  
  
"You're late." He said matter-of-factly as he motioned for them to sit down.  
  
"Yeah, there was a patient..." Carter began  
  
"I didn't ask for your excuses Dr. Carter, so don't offer them."  
  
There was silence before Romano continued: "So, I see you two have taken the liberty of spreading hot gossip all over the hospital." Both sat in silence feigning confusion "Don't play dumb with me you two, I know that you are both well aware of what I'm talking about."  
  
"Look..." Carter started trying to explain.  
  
"No, you look Dr. Carter, if you want to make snide comments to ME about things you only THINK to be true, then go ahead, but when you go to one of my colleagues and proceed to create a potentially uncomfortable and not to mention unprofessional situation..." He began venomously before Susan cut him off.  
  
"With all due respect, Dr. Romano, are you actually trying to tell us that what we told Dr. Corday was false?" She asked seriously, trying to bite back a smile.  
  
"With all due respect, Dr. Lewis" He mimicked "Are your ears working properly? Yes, that is what I'm telling you."  
  
With that Susan let out a laugh as Carter shot daggers through her.  
  
"Is something funny Dr. Lewis?" Romano asked angrily.  
  
Carter tried to interject "No, she's just..."  
  
"Dr. Carter, I don't remember asking you to speak, let me try this again. Dr. LEWIS," he said pointedly, "Is something funny?"  
  
She looked at him and finally controlled her laughter, but there was still blatant amusement dancing around in her eyes.  
  
"Oh come ON Dr. Romano. We know it's true. EVERYONE knows it's true." She said as a flash of hurt crossed his face. "Stop pretending Dr. Romano, that's really all I'm trying to say. Have you told her yet?"  
  
Romano considered confessing, but he quickly pushed the thought out of his mind: "No, Dr. Lewis, because there's nothing to tell." He cleared his throat "Now, please refrain from creating another incident like this one... and get the hell out of my office!" He barked.  
  
Carter and Lewis both got up at the same time and began heading for the door.  
  
Before she left, Dr. Lewis turned around and looked at Romano "Really though, you should tell her. What's the worst that could happen?" She smiled at him.  
  
"OUT!" he yelled, and she quickly walked out of the door shutting it gently behind her.  
  
When everyone had left Romano sighed and ran his hands over his face, pressing down firmly. She was right, and however much he denied it, she knew she was right. He loved Elizabeth so much. But, he assessed, Dr. Lewis didn't know EVERYTHING. She didn't know how MUCH he loved Dr. Corday. She didn't know that nearly every waking moment was spent thinking of Elizabeth, and every Single moment he was asleep she filled his thoughts.  
  
  
  
Back in the ER it was Carter's turn to stare coldly at Lewis.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"What did you just do in there?"  
  
She smiled devilishly "I said what everyone else is constantly thinking."  
  
"You couldn't have just kept your mouth shut?" he asked, smiling.  
  
"You know me." She said humorously.  
  
"Yeah..." he said as he expelled air through his nostrils in a small laugh "And you blamed this on ME."  
  
"Well, it WAS your fault..."  
  
He smiled. "Ah... but now, it's yours."  
  
They shared a laugh, and then they both went back to work.  
  
  
  
Back in his office, Romano stared at the paperwork in front of him. He couldn't finish it now, not right now, not here, and certainly not with this burning question on his mind. What DID he have to lose? 'A helluva lot.' He thought to himself. He tried making a list in his head: 'Respect... dignity...' But then he considered it again, were those the things that mattered in life? He had always thought so... was he wrong?  
  
The question plagued his mind for the rest of the day, and as he laid in bed waiting for sleep, the question still haunted him...  
  
What did he have to lose?  
  
He came to realize that he knew the answer....  
  
  
  
End Chapter 12  
  
: )  
  
Don't forget to offer your feedback! : ) It makes me dance!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	13. Try to Fight it

And the awaited chapter 13 is up! : )  
  
Author's Note: This chapter takes place on the same day as the chapter previous (hence the parallelism you shall find). However, it is, of course, Elizabeth's day. And, I think I'm nearing the end here, possibly three or four more chapters to follow this one.... IF, of course... I get reviews... because otherwise, I just may become too busy to finish. *grins evilly* So, review... please.  
  
~Natalie~  
  
*These characters here are not from my head,  
  
If they were, then Dr. Romano wouldn't be dead.  
  
They do, however, belong to the powers that be,  
  
Who'd be wasting their time suing lil' ol' me.  
  
I'm just borrowing them to let them have fun,  
  
In scenarios the producers never would have done.  
  
So I'm not being ludicrous and pretending they're mine,  
  
And, my friends, I'm not making one measly dime.  
  
So no more delay, let's get on with this show,  
  
Keep your hands and arms inside... because here we go!*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The colors lit the sky with an amazing array of wondrous colors that could only be described as "breathtaking". Elizabeth sighed as she lay in bed watching the sun peek over the horizon. This was her second favorite time of day, the first being sunset. The sunrise, though, had a capacity that the setting of the sun did not. The sunset offered finality, and Elizabeth liked finality, but the sunrise provided a new beginning, a hope almost, for things to come. She stared out the window watching the birth of a new day as the sun began to rise into the vivid colors the sky had provided.  
  
She sighed. The sunrise was so symbolic to her. It was a metaphor, a simile, a personification of her entire life, of her entire being. Every day seemed as though it were a new beginning, full of potential for change, for happiness.  
  
And as the sun reached its full potential, her thought turned to Robert. To the last time she had heard his voice: "Does it really matter." It wasn't a question because, she knew, he believed he already knew the answer. And, she thought she did as well. It didn't matter. But as the memories of the day previous flooded her mind, she remembered that not everything was set in stone, and, she had decided, it did matter.  
  
She wasn't sure exactly why it mattered, but there was something in her heart, in her mind, that told her it did matter, that it should. So, it mattered.  
  
But was what she had heard true? Did Robert possess those feelings for her? He hadn't told her, and hell if she knew the answer. She knew he had an affection for her, perhaps an affection that he held for no one else, but was it love?  
  
Love, by any other man, it would not have been.  
  
But, this was Robert Romano, he was not any other man. He was cocky, self- assured, arrogant, egotistical, sarcastic... okay, so he was like most men... but he was certainly not run of the mill. In fact, he was not like any man she had ever before met. He was different.  
  
But what was love by this man? Was it what he felt for her? The more she pondered it, the more she became aware that she didn't know. She had no idea what it was.  
  
She noticed the sun had come full rise, and she crawled out of bed, thankful she didn't have to go to work, and somewhat relieved that she didn't have to face Robert. But, at the same time, she was somewhat sad at the fact that she didn't have to face Robert. In actuality, this situation excited her, if it didn't fully terrify her.  
  
What did she feel for him? That was the question she hadn't wanted to face. That's the one she hadn't wanted to answer. But, like death and taxes, it was inevitable. She had to come to terms with her feelings, whatever they may end up being, no matter how scared out of her mind she truly was.  
  
But the truth of the matter was: She didn't know. She simply didn't know how she felt for Romano. He was all the things she had said, egotistical, completely arrogant, one of the most pretentious and self-righteous men she had ever met.  
  
That wasn't the type of men she was attracted to, powerful men, yes, but never men as pretentious as Robert Romano.  
  
But he brought out a secret desire in her, or so she called it. A craving, if you will, for the unknown. As she said, she had never before known anyone like Romano, and his arrogance intrigued her, and dare she say it, often turned her on. His haughty disdain often made her weak in the knees despite herself, but it was something she thought could simply fill her daydreams, she never thought she'd have to come to terms with the ominous feelings Robert Romano provoked inside of her.  
  
And there she was again, consumed of thoughts with Robert Romano, when she should be thinking about.... Well, anything except him. She sighed and decided to straighten up the house, trying desperately to push the thoughts out of her head.  
  
This was crazy. Certifiable by every book known to mankind.  
  
She dusted around the house, lifting the trinkets she had strategically placed around the house to make it homey, watching the particles fall to the floor in a flurry of dust bunnies. She concentrated on the dust, on the trinkets, anything to keep her thoughts away from Romano. But, they inevitably circled around...  
  
Was it true?  
  
"Oh Bloody Hell!" She said out loud in frustration. She stalked over to the phone and picked it up hastily.  
  
She dialed the long number and waited for it to ring.  
  
"Hello?" the voice on the other end said.  
  
"Hello, mother." Elizabeth said. She couldn't believe she was resorting to this to try to sort out her feelings.  
  
Her mother sounded shocked "Elizabeth, hello." There was silence before Elizabeth said "I'm sorry to have bothered you mother."  
  
"It's no bother Elizabeth." Her mother assured, wondering why her daughter sounded so distant. "Is there something specific you wished to speak of?"  
  
"No." She said before reconsidering, "yes, actually, mother, there is."  
  
"I'm listening dear." Her mother said, somewhat concernedly.  
  
From there, Elizabeth poured out the entire story, telling her mother nearly everything that had happened, from Robert's question, to her lack of knowledge.  
  
".... And, I just, don't know what to do, mother." Elizabeth said with frustration.  
  
"Do you know how you feel, child?" her mother questioned.  
  
Elizabeth sighed, "No." she said with finality.  
  
"Well, Elizabeth, you must first sort out your own feelings before you can go questioning his."  
  
She knew her mother was right, "But, do you think what I've heard is true?" She knew her mother wouldn't know the answer, but she asked anyway.  
  
"That he loves you? Elizabeth, I don't know that any more than you do. But, you must follow what your head tells you. Do you think that he does?"  
  
There was a hesitation "I don't know."  
  
"Well, there seems to be quite a few things of which you're not sure. Figure them out. Assess his feelings, and then yours. Only then will you be able to concentrate."  
  
Elizabeth sighed. Unfortunately, her mother was right. "All right, mother. Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome." Her mother said "Elizabeth?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I love you." Her mother emphasized the word 'I'.  
  
She gave a small smile. "I love you too mother."  
  
She sighed and hung up the receiver. Yes, that conversation had gotten her far.  
  
So she sat down, deciding to give into the thoughts that were pervading her mind, because otherwise she'd spend the entire day trying to fight them off. What did he feel for her? He had told her to use her instincts, and when she had told them, perhaps falsely, how her instincts had made her feel, he hadn't contradicted her. In fact, he'd said to trust them. That they had served her well in medicine. Did that mean that her "instincts", or what she had paraded as her instincts, were correct? That he didn't love her?  
  
Why did love have to be so damn cryptic? Why couldn't people just say what they mean and mean what they say? *Yeah, you're one to talk, Elizabeth* her inner voice shouted. "Oh shut up" she said out loud.  
  
The penumbra of this entire situation irritated her.  
  
He hadn't answered her yes or no... why? All of these questions made Elizabeth's head hurt.  
  
No, she decided, he didn't love her. There was no evidence to suggest that he did, aside from a small affection she had noticed, but that was nothing. That was simply friendship. Plus, this decision made everything quite a bit easier, as she didn't deem it necessary to sort out her own feelings.  
  
No, Robert didn't love her.  
  
Why, then, had he told her of his family? Of the event which had caused so much pain and inner turmoil? Why, for even a brief moment, had he let her into his heart? Was it because they were friends? Or was it because he felt something stronger for her? Was it because he'd needed someone to confide in, and she was the only one there? Or was it because he loved her?  
  
She sighed as she rubbed her temple: And why are there so many damn questions??? Why can't it just be a simple yes or no answer, why can't everything just be easy?  
  
Finally, a question she knew the answer to. Because, if things were easy, it wouldn't be Robert and Elizabeth.  
  
Her mind turned back to Robert himself, not his situation. She hated to admit it, but she was attracted to him. His arrogance had her inexorably drawn to him. She couldn't deny that, though she desperately wanted to. His cocky attitude, and their sparring had awakened a desire in her, stirred an attraction she never knew was there. She'd never before thought it possible, but it had been there for a long while. His sarcastic nature making her stomach lurch in the most pleasant way imaginable. Every barb he sent her way, or someone else's for that matter, made that familiar enjoyable pang into her stomach.  
  
No, she certainly hadn't planned to fall for Robert Romano.  
  
Her mouth dropped as she realized she'd actually thought those last words. They couldn't be true, could they? She was simply caught in the moment of thinking about the feelings Romano ignited within her.  
  
Surely she hadn't fallen for Robert Romano....  
  
Or had she?  
  
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Review, Review, Review, Review... and dare I say, Review.  
  
Why? Because, it makes me ecstatic every single time I read what y'all have to say.... And it makes me want to continue... for if I have no reviews... I have no incentive to finish... : )  
  
Sorry for the sufficient lack of Romano/Corday interaction in the last two chapters, but you know it's good to see all of the wonderful thoughts they're having... you know it!  
  
One more time for good measure: REVIEW!!!!  
  
Thanks!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	14. Contemplation and a Decision

He is Human, chapter 14 has arrived. You know what you should do? You should read it, and then you should review it. Because that makes me grin! And a grinning Natalie is more likely to write sooner.  
  
: )  
  
Thanks!!  
  
~Natalie~  
  
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How do you lose something you never had? That's the question that had been plaguing Robert Romano's mind since he had gotten in his car. Was it even possible? He didn't want to lose Elizabeth, but had he truly ever had her to begin with?  
  
Yes, to some extent, he decided, he had. Granted, it had not been in the way he would have liked, but, she was his friend. Or, at the very least, she didn't think him to be completely despicable, or at least, she didn't show it. She was the only person in the entire world that he had even partially opened up to, and she was the only person in the world that knew his secret. And she was the only one that even pretended to care about him.  
  
He didn't want to lose that. He couldn't.  
  
Regardless of whether or not he was her friend, she was his. And there was certainly no better and more surefire way to end a friendship than confessing undying love to a party that didn't feel the same way. Yep, that would do the trick all right. It could be 'How to lose a friend in 5 seconds' he didn't need ten days.  
  
But what was the alternative to a confession?  
  
Pining for someone incessantly as you watch the love of your life gallivanting around with dashingly handsome men?  
  
Neither situation nor neither outcome looked especially pleasing.  
  
He remembered how after he had told her about his family, she had reached out to him. He'd never experienced such compassion, and he hadn't known how to react. So, he'd taken the safe route, the only route he'd ever known: He'd pushed her away.  
  
He couldn't let himself get his hopes up. "I'm me, you're you." He had told her. She hadn't understood, granted, but that didn't make the meaning behind it any less accurate.  
  
She was Elizabeth Corday, a beautiful woman that could have any man she set her sights on. She was charming, kind, and of course, exceedingly beautiful.  
  
And he... he was Robert Romano.  
  
A beautiful, intelligent, woman like Dr. Corday could never fall in love with him, no matter how much he was in love with her.  
  
He was so confident in medicine, he was sure he was damn well near the best surgeon in practice, and he came off as cocky: he was. And he usually was in every other aspect of his life as well. But why, when it came to women, was he such a coward? No, actually, why was it that when it came to Dr. Corday he was such a coward? It wasn't women. He was plenty confident in that area in general; it was just Dr. Corday that made him nervous and unsure. He had been plenty confident with one night stands and relationships that were doomed from the get-go, but this... this was different. This was Elizabeth Corday. The amazing woman that made him feel so irresolute. She was Belle, he was the Beast. Vile at times, yes he was. But it was always Elizabeth that brought out his best side.  
  
But still, she could never fall for a man like him. But could he live forever knowing that he'd never told the woman he loved what he held in the deepest recesses of his heart? What if she broke his heart?  
  
Was it worth the risk?  
  
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He was despicable. Absolutely horrendous. Disgusting in every way imaginable.  
  
He was cocky, self-assured, egotistical, self-righteous, pretentious, narcissistic, supercilious, arrogant, and sarcastic...  
  
'And incredibly sexy.'  
  
Elizabeth mind finished the list for her. Where on earth was this coming from? Surely there was something wrong with her. This was ROBERT ROMANO. The most hated man at County General, and here she was terming him 'incredibly sexy'. She needed to get her head examined.  
  
Surely it was just a phase she was going through. There was absolutely no way in hell she could have fallen for Robert Romano. It just wasn't feasible.  
  
True, she had always been attracted to men with brilliant minds, and men that exhibited power, and Robert certainly exhibited both of these qualities. But outright pompous men had always turned her away in the past.  
  
'Well, there's a first time for everything.' Her mind taunted as she tried to pinpoint exactly from where these feelings derived.  
  
Physically, he wasn't what one would call her "type." But, over the years she'd come to enjoy his slightly muscular, not overly thin, physique, and had come to find his baldness quite attractive. She knew most didn't see him as attractive, but she had somehow become attracted to him. He had become, now that she thought about it, handsome... sexy, even.  
  
'Well, if that isn't the word of the night' her mind teased. And it was. Sexy had, in the past moments, become the word of the night. It wouldn't have been a big deal had she not spent the past moments thinking of Robert Romano.  
  
This train of thought scared her. If she HAD fallen for Robert, which she hadn't, but hypothetically speaking, if she HAD fallen for him, then it did matter whether or not he loved her. She remembered that her mother had told her to assess his feelings and then her own. Well, wasn't it just like her to do exactly the opposite of what her mother advised? Of course, even now, when she wanted to listen to her mother's words, she had disobeyed.  
  
She didn't know how he felt about her, and in honesty, she didn't know how she felt about him.  
  
She couldn't get these thoughts out of her head. These thoughts she knew she shouldn't be having kept invading her mind. What did she want from Romano? Did she even want anything?  
  
Damn, when had her life gotten to be so confusing? She couldn't, like every other woman in the hospital, fallen, or you know, hypothetically fallen, for Carter. Noooo.... Being the difficult one, the one that goes against the grain, she had to fall for Robert Romano. The most unlikely person, of course! She wouldn't be Elizabeth Corday if she hadn't made things more difficult.  
  
But this was a phase, this was a phase, this was a phase! She kept telling herself. But her mind screamed for her to keep examining the situation. What was this?  
  
Was it a crush? Or was it something more...  
  
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Heartbreak wasn't an option favorable to any human being, even a masochist; at least, that's what Robert told himself. But, the timeless question still followed him: Was love never told worse than a broken heart?  
  
He hated being so unsure of himself, of what to do. He continued driving contemplating nearly every scenario his mind could come up with. What would happen? It was times like these that he wished he could fast forward the film of his life, just so he could know what happens.  
  
He was torn: Elizabeth was worth any risk, anyone knew that... but was he willing to take it?  
  
He sighed. What the hell was he going to do? As he came to an intersection, Romano realized that it was decision time. One turn would lead him home, and one turn would lead him to his fate.  
  
He turned left....  
  
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Patience is a virtue.  
  
I know it was short, but please forgive me, as I've been very busy with school and studying for AP tests and whatnot.  
  
Sorry for the reference to "Beauty and the Beast" it's just what it reminded me of.  
  
But, I think you all know what I'm going to say: REVIEW.  
  
So, say it with me on the count of three.... 1.... 2.... 3.... REVIEW!!!!!  
  
If you do, I promise to tell you what happens next.... By continuing my story.  
  
Thanks guys!!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	15. Admission

Here it is: Chapter 15 of "He is Human"... there should be about... three-ish more chapters, kay? Kay... so REVIEW IT... cause you can!! Thanks y'all!  
  
~Natalie~  
  
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Elizabeth sat down trying to control her thoughts. She just wanted to try and forget these emotions she was feeling, they were making her so confused, and she absolutely hated being confused.  
  
She sighed and began to go to her room, but something stopped her.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
She cautiously walked over to the door and slowly opened it.  
  
"Robert." She said in shock.  
  
Elizabeth stood in shock as she stared at Robert standing in the chilly Chicago air. He was the last person she had expected to see. In fact, she hadn't really expected to see anyone, but it was him she expected least.  
  
"I'm sorry to come by unannounced." He stated lamely as she stared at him.  
  
"Oh, it's really not a problem." She lied. Robert Romano standing at her doorstep in the middle of the night after she'd spent the past two days thinking of him in a questionable light was most definitely what she would call a 'problem'. But, she was damned if she was going to turn him away despite the fact that a tiny, albeit annoying, voice in the back of her head cautioned her that nothing easy could come of the situation at hand. She never listened to that voice anyway.  
  
His voice broke her from her internal monologue "I understand your fervor to watch me freeze to death Elizabeth... but, can I at least come in for a while first?" He asked, a nervous smile forming on his face.  
  
'Crap' he thought 'she doesn't want me here—oh well, too late now.'  
  
She smiled absently "oh, sorry, right, please come in." she offered as she extended the front door with her left arm.  
  
He obliged and went through the door. As he entered the room he took a deep breath, holding it for a moment and then slowly exhaling. He could do this, and that was his mantra as Elizabeth closed the door and fixed him with a questioning look.  
  
He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  
  
Seeing that he wasn't going to speak, Elizabeth cleared her throat "Would you like some tea?" she saw his face and remembered his opinion of her tea. She then considered offering him wine, or other various types of alcohol, but her mind screamed in protest. Alcohol with Romano after the thoughts she'd been having for the past days was definitely not a good idea. "Coffee?" she questioned. "Is it American?" he asked her, jokingly.  
  
She simply smiled as she headed to the kitchen. Robert briefly wondered if that meant that it was or that it wasn't, but he didn't much care, he probably wouldn't drink it anyway. He'd only accepted it so she would leave the room for a few moments while he gathered his thoughts.  
  
He considered leaving. He could just turn around right now and walk out the door; pretend that he didn't love her. But he then remembered that he'd been doing that for years, treating her as though she didn't matter even though she was the only one that actually did. So, he stayed. God help him, he was going to stay.  
  
Quickly Elizabeth came back into the room holding two cups. "Have a seat" she offered, noticing that he hadn't yet.  
  
He, again, obliged and she sat down as well, handing him his cup. 'Déjà vu' they both thought simultaneously, though neither expressed it verbally.  
  
Sensing the tension in the room, neither of them wanted to break the heavy silence. But, Elizabeth spoke first, cutting through the tension with brisk words "So..."  
  
It was a question. It was an array of questions: Why are you here? Is something wrong? What do you want?  
  
"Buttons." He said simply. 'Yeah, good one.' He thought to himself.  
  
She looked confused "I'm sorry?"  
  
He laughed a little, "You said 'so', I said 'buttons'... you know, you sew buttons... s-e-w." she still looked confused "Never mind," he said "it's just a stupid American saying."  
  
She laughed lightly as another heavy silence fell upon the room.  
  
How did he go about this? 'I love you Elizabeth, but beyond that, I'm in love with you.' That just didn't seem right, it didn't seem effective... it seemed a set-up for a 'So what" or something horribly cliché. He considered clichés... 'I see stars in your eyes' or the ever popular "As Good As it Gets" line: 'You make me want to be a better man.' She did, it was true, but that wasn't really how he wanted to approach the situation.  
  
He had always been direct... about everything. That hadn't always made him popular, but that didn't usually matter. But, of course, this was different. When it came to Elizabeth, everything was different.  
  
He took another deep breath... 'Like a band-aid' he thought and then: 'Damn, I really need to get some new analogies.'  
  
"I suppose you're wondering why I'm here." He stated the obvious.  
  
"Just a little." She said, smiling cautiously.  
  
Yep, directness was the only way to go... or, at least, semi-directness.  
  
"Okay... well," he began "I was driving home tonight and..." he broke off for a moment.  
  
"And... what?" She prompted.  
  
"I was thinking."  
  
Elizabeth bit back a sarcastic remark; she knew that this certainly wasn't the time. "About..." she prodded.  
  
"...you..." he fell silent, as did she.  
  
'Oh damnit Robert, just pull the damn band-aid off... screw the pain!'  
  
"There's really no easy way to say this..."  
  
"There's never an easy way to say anything." Elizabeth added.  
  
"...But I feel as though if I don't... say what it is I have to say... I'll regret it. Like that saying: You'll regret it if you do it, you'll regret it if you don't do it, so you may as well just do it."  
  
He was big on clichés tonight, but Elizabeth bit her tongue, this was obviously something he had to say.  
  
He inhaled deeply, trying to prepare himself "Elizabeth, sometimes the hardest thing I do all day is breathe in and out, and sometimes the hardest thing I do all day is perform an appendectomy. But..." He paused "...Even on days when I perform the toughest surgeries, so long as I see you, that's not the hardest thing I do all day." He wasn't making sense, but he continued anyway "Because every single day that I see you, the hardest thing I do..." He broke off again, but regained his composure and continued "The hardest thing I do is... pretend that you don't matter. And the hardest thing I do at night is pretend that I don't care, pretend that you don't affect me, because the truth is: you do." He looked at her, she was silent "You matter, you affect me, and I care... what I'm trying to say Elizabeth, what I've been trying to say for years... is that... I care about you." He couldn't meet her gaze.  
  
She hesitated "I care about you too, Robert." She said tentatively. She didn't get the entire picture.  
  
He sighed "I've always been strong Elizabeth, and I've always been brave. But... not when it comes to you. I've been denying it for years... to myself, to my colleagues... to you..."  
  
She couldn't find her voice, and when she did, she didn't recognize it "You've been denying what?"  
  
"Oh come on Elizabeth, don't be so dense. I've been denying the fact that... that... I'm in love with you." He continued "I have been for years; I've just been too much of a coward to admit it. But, I had to tell you. I'm in love with you." He stated in finality, finally chancing a glance at her face.  
  
She stared at him, tears in her eyes at his confession. She was silent, as was he.  
  
Finally, after she remained completely silent, he spoke with sadness in his voice "Elizabeth, I should go." He stood to leave.  
  
Her mind yelled at her to stop him from leaving, but her mouth did not form the words. She didn't know what to say, what to think, or what to do.  
  
He took one final look at her, and then walked out the door. He slowly made his way to his car and got in. When he was safe in the confine of his car, he put his head on the steering wheel and let a single tear roll down his face.  
  
Inside, Elizabeth stared at the wall trying to make sense of what she was feeling, and trying to comprehend what she was thinking. As she sat there alone, she put her head down upon her right hand and let a lone tear fall down her cheek.  
  
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To be Continued.  
  
We're drawing near the end here folks... so, go ahead and give me a little... or big review!! Haha, thanks!  
  
~Natalie~ 


	16. Revelation of False Hope

He is Human: Chapter 16—We're drawing near the end... so take a couple seconds and give me a review... or two...  
  
: )  
  
Thanks!  
  
Natalie  
  
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His confession made it impossible for her to sleep. How could she sleep? She couldn't. There was no way. He had just bared his soul to her, for the second time, and she had let him walk away. She had let him think that it didn't matter, that he didn't matter to her.  
  
But, yet, she couldn't bring herself to go after him. It wasn't fair to him in the slightest. It wasn't fair because she wasn't sure what she was feeling for him. She wasn't sure what that emotion in the back of her heart was. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe she wasn't ready to know.  
  
But still, it was no consolation to the fact that she had, despite her promises to herself, turned him away. He had said he was in love with her. She had her answer to her question. But, was it what she wanted? Did she want such emotion, such complexity from an already complex man?  
  
She didn't know.  
  
And that was the truth.  
  
It was, in fact, why she had turned him away. As much as she felt for him, she couldn't believe it was love. Whether it was or not, she didn't know. But she couldn't allow herself to believe, for a moment, that she loved him. That she was in love with him.  
  
And that wasn't fair.  
  
He had a hard life as it was; from the beginning he'd had it hard. And she couldn't bear to give him false hope. She couldn't bear to say she loved him too when she wasn't even completely sure of her emotions.  
  
Emotions had always been hard for her. She was always seen as being strong. Her emotions nearly impervious to anyone. She never let anyone in, and she'd convinced herself that she couldn't love anyone.  
  
And then came Robert Romano.  
  
He'd made her question everything she'd ever believed to be true about herself. He'd made her begin to think that love was possible. And she hadn't even realized it. She'd been so surprised at the idea that she could have fallen for him, and since then, the conflicting emotions she felt so deep within, the desire she'd felt for him, be it forbidden, had led her to question everything she'd once deemed sacred.  
  
He'd made her introspective to a degree that she never desired, and to a degree she never thought possible. And to a degree that made her unsure of everything: herself, her beliefs, her love, her capacity to love, her feelings for him.  
  
She was unsure. That's all there was to it. And it was for this reason that she couldn't ask him to stay. That she couldn't tell him what she thought to be true, what she hoped to be true. She couldn't bring herself to give him what could possibly be false hope.  
  
But, had that not been what she had been doing all along?  
  
Reaching out to him after he told her of his family? Wasn't that giving him "false hope"? Wasn't asking him if he loved her giving him "false hope"? Wasn't allowing him into her home giving him "false hope"?  
  
She sighed as tears rolled down her face. She had been giving him false hope from the very beginning. She hadn't meant to, but it had happened. And the fact made her hurt in depths of her heart she never even knew existed.  
  
But what was false hope?  
  
It was the giving someone expectations that could and would never come true.  
  
Had she been giving Robert Romano this?  
  
The realization hit her: No. She hadn't been giving him false hope. She'd been giving him hope. Something he'd had little of in his life.  
  
Because, she realized, a relationship with him was not implausible. In fact, it was something she'd been secretly wishing for. She had been for a long while.  
  
It was herself to whom she was giving false hope.  
  
The false hope that she didn't want a relationship with Robert Romano.  
  
She had found a tiny seed of doubt embedded in her soul, and she had clutched to it as though it were a floatation device, and she had been hit by a tragic storm.  
  
In reality, she had been hit by a storm. But it was anything but tragic. It was the storm that took the form of love. It had surprised her altogether, and frightened her to no end. So much so that she had chosen to believe that she didn't want a relationship with Robert. Telling herself all along that things would be too difficult.  
  
It wasn't to him she had been lying. She had been lying, all along, to herself.  
  
It was her heart she had deceived from the very beginning.  
  
She shuddered at this surprise. She had never imagined, in her wildest dreams, that she had been lying to herself, that she had been deceiving her true emotions. She brought her hands to her face, and rested her tear stained cheeks in the solace of her hand.  
  
'I've been such a fool.' She said lightly to herself.  
  
She had been trying to pretend that she didn't love him. That he didn't make her feel wonderful in every way imaginable. She'd been trying to dissuade her heart from believing what her soul told her to be true: She was in love with him.  
  
Another tear slid down her cheek at the realization of this truth. She was in love with him.  
  
And another shiver ran through her body as she remembered she had sent him away. She had fooled herself, her colleagues, her heart, her mind, her body, her soul, but most importantly, and most tragically, she had fooled Robert. She had made him believe that she didn't love him. That she couldn't. That she never would.  
  
This made her hurt inside, as she become conscious of the hurt she had falsely inflicted upon such a wonderful man.  
  
She smiled slightly, only slightly at this. There was a time when she would never have deemed Robert Romano as being a "wonderful man", but now, here she as, admitting it to herself. He was wonderful, or so she thought.  
  
And she had hurt him.  
  
What a horrid person that made her seem to herself.  
  
She needed to make things right, now that she was certain.  
  
But she didn't know if that was possible. How do you tell a man you've hurt that you're sorry? That you didn't mean it? How do you tell a man with whom you are in love that you never understood?  
  
How do you tell a colleague, a friend, that you love him?  
  
How do you say sorry?  
  
Is it even possible?  
  
And these were the questions that plagued Elizabeth Corday's mind as she drifted into a restless sleep, filled with more of the same questions.  
  
How do you say that you're sorry?  
  
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To be continued.  
  
We're almost done with this one, folks... so review!!!... It'll make me finish more quickly!!  
  
Thanks!  
  
Natalie 


	17. Selfinflicted Wounds

He is Human: Chapter 17. I've been lacking motivation.... Here it is though, maybe I'm like Stella and I'm getting my groove back...  
  
Review me!  
  
Natalie  
  
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Robert Romano felt dejected. Actually, that was the understatement of the century. The only woman he'd ever truly loved had, in essence, turned him down. She'd turned him away—or let him go.  
  
He'd had his share of troubles, but he'd never experienced a pain like this. It was a pain that crept itself deep into the hollow of his heart, and expanded outward, filling his heart with excruciating pain. With nearly every breath he took he felt his heart constricting, as the ache deepened. The pain spread throughout his body, making his entire being sore with the pang of defeat; of sorrow. Until it slowly found it's way to his eyes, forcing him to feel more emotions that he didn't want to feel. He cried.  
  
Crying wasn't something he made a point of doing—but, his heart had been broken. He made an exception.  
  
His mind wandered to earlier that evening, as he wondered what he had been thinking. Had he actually thought that Elizabeth could love him? That she could feel anything remotely close to love for him?  
  
He sighed as he realized that he had. He'd done the one thing that he promised himself he'd never do: He had believed the delusions his mind had fed him. He'd honestly believed that he and Elizabeth had a chance, that he had a chance with her.  
  
And another shock of pain engulfed him at the realization that he'd brought this on. He'd made his bed by confessing his love, and now, he had to lie in it. Oh how he had to lie in it, and cry in it. He wasn't one to cry, he never had been, but somehow, he couldn't control the outpouring of emotion that came from his innermost hurt.  
  
But then, he continued to think: Was this his fault? He hadn't asked to fall in love with Elizabeth. It wasn't something he'd meticulously planned out. He hadn't even wanted to fall in love with her. In fact, he'd done his best not to, if for only the knowledge that she could never want him that way. But he'd not asked for this emotion. He'd never asked for love in any form, especially the kind of love he held for Elizabeth.  
  
So, he concluded that the entire situation was not his fault.  
  
But, still, he didn't have to go over there. He'd been living in silent torture for years, and he was a strong man most of the time: He could've probably done it for his entire life. Yet, at the time, he felt larger than life: as though he did have a chance at being with the woman of his dreams. He listened to his heart when his mind screamed at him to keep his mouth shut. He was responsible for the blurting out of the l-word. He was responsible for his actions. He was responsible for Elizabeth letting him walk away.  
  
He was responsible for his pain.  
  
But, the fact that he was responsible didn't make it any easier to face. It didn't make part of the pain go away, it didn't make things better. In fact, it made it worse. Inside he knew that this could have been prevented. He could have gone pining after Elizabeth for the rest of his life, and he would have never experienced this blatant hurt.  
  
But still, he reminded himself, had he not confessed, he would have spent the rest of his life wondering if he'd made the right decision.  
  
So now he faced the question that he'd known he had to all along: Was it worth it?  
  
Elizabeth was worth it, he knew that. But was IT worth it?  
  
Was coming clean worth knowing the answer? Was it better to be broken in the light than whole in the dark?  
  
It didn't feel like it was worth it.  
  
The pain in his heart didn't feel like it was worth it.  
  
The hollowness of his soul didn't feel like it was worth it.  
  
But somehow, somewhere deep inside of him, he believed it was worth it.  
  
He couldn't explain why, he couldn't tell how, but he believed it was worth it. Maybe it was better to know and be hurt than to spend the rest of your life wondering.  
  
But whether or not it was worth it was irrelevant. In actuality, in Romano's mind, everything was irrelevant. The only thing that had mattered in his life was Elizabeth. The only thing that had made his life worthwhile was Elizabeth. And although he didn't want to admit it, the only thing that he woke up for each morning was the possibility that Elizabeth could love him like he loved her.  
  
But he knew now that she never could.  
  
And all he could do was hope that she would still be his friend. He hadn't many of those, and he didn't want to lose one of the only ones he had because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.  
  
He'd go on loving her always, but he could settle for friendship. No, he couldn't just settle for friendship, at the bare minimum he NEEDED friendship. He needed friendship from her, because it was Elizabeth that always made him feel comfortable in his own skin. It was Elizabeth that always brought a smile to his face. It was Elizabeth that made him happy.  
  
But while he knew this was what he needed, he didn't know if he could forge a friendship again.  
  
He'd been hurt, badly, by his own fault, but still, when he thought of Elizabeth, he felt a painful shiver. And he wasn't sure he could overcome that, no matter how much he wanted to.  
  
All he'd ever wanted was her.  
  
And now all he wanted was to forget.  
  
He wanted to forget he'd ever said anything. He wanted to pretend that he was drunk; he wanted to pretend that he was truly delusional, even mad. He wanted to pretend as though he were Hamlet, only truly mad.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
Because she knew him better than that. Damn her, she knew him better than that.  
  
He cleared his throat in the darkness of his house. She knew him. He hated that truth, but it was just that: truth. She knew him despite his attempts to mask who he was.  
  
And it was just another thing that he loved her for.  
  
He wished he were like Ophelia: Suicidal. But he wasn't. That wasn't his style—ever. No matter how much pain he was in. But Ophelia was lucky, Hamlet did love her.  
  
Elizabeth didn't love Robert. That much was made clear this evening.  
  
He'd heard a saying once that mirrored perfectly how he felt: "Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear you'll never feel the same. It's because as much I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you."  
  
And it was true. He loved Elizabeth still, and he always, always would. There was nothing that could change that.  
  
And he wanted to be with her—in any way that he could. But he wasn't sure he could get over the pain that he felt so deep inside of his heart. But if, and when he did, he needed to think of words to say that would make it right. That would keep Elizabeth as his friend. That would make everything all right again.  
  
And so as he drifted into a completely restless sleep, he tried to think of ways to make it right—and a question plagued his mind:  
  
How do you say that you're sorry?  
  
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Okay, short, I know—but really, how long can I lament for Robert? So, you should review, because it motivates me to write... and I haven't been feeling motivated lately... ah! I need help!! smokey the bear imitation Only YOU can prevent Natalie from not updating.  
  
(and you can do that by reviewing!)  
  
Thanks to everyone for giving such great reviews—and rest assured, I want none of you to DIE! : )  
  
Natalie 


	18. Laying it on the Table

Okay—this is the last chapter in this story!!! Yay!!! Aren't you glad that I'm going to finish one! : ) hehe... no but, you should still review. I'm considering doing a sequel to this one (but I'm not sure... it would probably be short though). The title would be "Human Nature"... but, let me know—  
  
And review my story please... I've been without reviews for sooooooooo long!  
  
Much Love,  
  
Natalie  
  
Elizabeth woke to the sound of her alarm clock buzzing in her ear. She rubbed her eyes slowly and reached to turn the offending noise off. She stretched her body and felt her toes curl against the crisp white sheets. It was only then that the events of the night previous came flooding back to her. She closed her eyes as a feeling of nausea swept over her body. "Oh God" she exhaled, remembering Robert as he walked from her door.  
  
Her life had been simple. She hadn't asked for any damn complications—she hadn't wished for someone to come along and throw her world out of alignment. In fact, she'd been wishing that everything would stay the same. That she could forever go on depending on herself and herself alone. But, sometimes you don't get what you want—she'd come to realize this cold hard truth.  
  
She rolled out of bed and felt her feet touch the floor—this was going to be one helluva day. She wished she could call in sick—take the easy route and just pretend that nothing ever happened. Maybe she could have done that had she truly felt nothing when those words came from his lips. They weren't words she was virgin to—many a man had fallen in love with her—without her reciprocating the emotions—but, for some reason, Robert was different. Robert had always been different, and, she guessed, Robert would always be different.  
  
There was something about him that made her realize she'd been kidding herself all along. She'd been kidding herself when she pretended that she didn't know how to feel. And today, she was going to have to come face to face with not only Robert—but with the emotions, and yes, some of the demons she'd been hiding, or trying to hide for years.  
  
She sighed, and then stepped into the shower, feeling the stream of hot water rush over her body. 'I can do this' was her mantra as she got ready for work—got ready to change her life.  
  
She got on the El, and waited until her stop, where she got out of the train and felt the brisk Chicago air wash over her face—this was it.  
  
Robert Romano woke in a similar fashion—alarm clock blaring—and rolled out of bed. He wanted to throw that damn thing against a wall. He hated being woken up with such force—such... such...inconsiderateness. He wanted to strangle the inventor of the alarm clock.  
  
But, nonetheless, he got ready for work—another day—another day of hell, of unrequited, oh no, scratch that, unreciprocated love. He was sarcastic even when he was hurting, and oh, how he was hurting.  
  
He tried to pretend that he wasn't, that everything was fine—but it wasn't. He knew in his heart that it wasn't... no matter how much his mind told him to shut the hell up. He had gone out on a limb, and he had fallen and crashed and burned miserably.  
  
But, life, unfortunately, would go on. Life always went on. Through the misery, through the pain, through the undeniable atrocities that were a part of life—the little bastard kept going on. Life amazed him, and disappointed him, and thrilled him, and pissed him off.  
  
He drove his Jag to work, but even the materialistic things in life couldn't ease his pain—not yet anyway. He still felt a dull ache inside of his body, and he wished upon wishes that he could wish it away.  
  
Elizabeth arrived at work prepared to bare her heart—prepared to tell what there was to tell. She made her way to the surgical floor and checked the boards. She was on the ER today, and Robert wasn't due in for another half hour. Damn. Her heart would have to wait.  
  
As she thrust her things into her locker her pager went off—as she got into the elevator she sighed. She exited the elevator and was calmed, somewhat, by the bustle of the ER around her. She found Jerry and asked him who had called her for a consult—he told her Carter, exam 1, and she walked off to examine the patient.  
  
"25 year old female with nausea and vomiting. Severe abdominal pain." Carter reeled off to Elizabeth as she came to the young woman's bedside.  
  
Carter kept talking, but Elizabeth wasn't listening until she heard her own name being called repeatedly "Dr. Corday? Dr. Corday?"  
  
She looked at Dr. Carter, who had, apparently, been calling her name—she shook her head "Sorry, I'm not quite myself today."  
  
He shrugged it off and she proceeded with her examination, ordering another test to be positive—but she was fairly certain the young woman would need an operation—though it wasn't too serious.  
  
As she left the room and headed towards trauma 1, where a critical patient had just been brought, she checked her watch: 8:50. Ten minutes until Robert was supposed to arrive.  
  
-----------  
  
She ripped off the elastic gloves and threw them in the trash-can. The patient had coded, and despite their efforts, the man had died. She hated seeing death—especially on days like this.  
  
She made her way back up to the surgical floor, and again checked her watch: 9:30 this time. She felt her body stiffen as she realized—Romano had to be there.  
  
Romano pulled up in his jag at a quarter to 9, but he sat in his car for at least ten minutes—he had to prepare himself for the day ahead—the awkwardness, the silence, the utter torture he would have to endure. He steeled himself, and stepped out of the car, and walked towards the ambulance bay of the ER.  
  
He entered and went straight for the surgical floor—when he got there, he didn't see any sign of Elizabeth. He went about his business, finishing his first routine surgery for the day—he wanted to see her, but he really didn't.  
  
He walked into the lounge in between surgeries to grab a cup of coffee—he turned on the machine and waited for the coffee to be ready.  
  
Elizabeth walked into the lounge—God, she could use a cup of coffee right about now. She froze, momentarily, when she entered the lounge. There he was. Standing there with his back facing her—her breath caught in her throat, and she seriously considered turning right back around and leaving. But, at that moment, he turned and saw her standing there.  
  
She saw something flash across his face, in between surprise and forced neutrality—it looked like hurt.  
  
He took a deep breath in, and turned back to the coffee pot. When she could no longer see him, he closed his eyes and exhaled silently. The moment of truth.  
  
"Robert... I...." she paused. She didn't know what to say.  
  
He poured the coffee into a mug, and then retrieved a second mug, poured another glass and handed one to her. She smiled briefly and extended a rather meek "thank you."  
  
"How are you?" she asked, with nothing better to say.  
  
"I'm... fine." He said, hesitating only momentarily. She smiled briefly again, knowing he was lying. Just as she started to speak, her pager went off. She stared at him for a moment and then said hurriedly "I better go." She ran out of the room and down to the consult.  
  
He took his mug and sat down in the chair—he hadn't wanted to see her—but... he had. And now that he had, he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. He was happy, yet he was also sad at the same time—mixed emotions plagued his mind as he contemplated her face, and the situation in which he found himself.  
  
Damn.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------  
  
3 hour later...  
  
Elizabeth had made a resolution: she had to find Robert. She searched high and low—well, the surgical rooms anyway. She asked everyone she saw if they'd seen him. They hadn't. Just her luck.  
  
She decided to duck into the surgical lounge for a moment—not expecting to actually find him there. Which is why, when she saw him sitting there in the dark leather chair, she was taken by complete and utter surprise.  
  
She stopped dead in her tracks, and stared at him—then she inhaled sharply and stepped into the room.  
  
He looked at her solemnly—he wasn't in the mood to pretend to be something he wasn't. "Elizabeth." He offered as his only word.  
  
"Robert." She sighed, "we need to talk."  
  
He turned to look at her, and then said, after clearing his throat "be my guest." Which he followed with a hand gesture towards the chair next to him.  
  
She obliged, and sat down. She took a moment before gathering her thoughts. She began with "Robert, about last night..."  
  
He stopped her "Anything but that, Elizabeth, please."  
  
"Robert, please, I really need to... look, I just have to talk to you about it."  
  
Couldn't she understand that he just wanted to let it go—forget it ever happened. But, as he had said time and time again, anything for her. He sighed—a sign of resignation "okay."  
  
"I really don't know where to begin—but, I'm going to try." She paused "Last night—when you... when you... said... what it is you said... there were so many thoughts racing through my mind, not the least of which was confusion."  
  
He braced himself for what was to follow.  
  
"I'd heard rumors, and I never believed them, though I suppose the rumors coupled with your behavior should have been evidence enough—but I don't think I wanted it to be true."  
  
He winced at this. She realized her mistake and clarified.  
  
"Not... not for that reason. Because..." she took a deep breath "Because, if you did feel that way about me, then I would have to face my own fears, confront my own emotions, and that is so hard for me to do Robert."  
  
He thought he could handle this, he really really did, but now, he knew he couldn't "Please, Elizabeth, spare me. I don't need to hear the 'it's not you it's me' party line, okay?" his words were venomous, but she continued.  
  
"Then let me finish, and that's not what you'll hear. I've been afraid, Robert. And it seems so childish, so immature, but it's the truth. I've been afraid..." she trailed off.  
  
"Afraid of what?" he questioned, but he couldn't look her in the eye.  
  
After a moment, she answered "...of loving you." She looked at her hands coiled in her lap. "It's the truth—I'd convinced myself that I hated you, that I loathed the ground you walked on—but somewhere inside I knew. I knew that I... that I loved you. And when I heard you say it to me last night—I did what I always do. I ran. I did the only thing I knew how—I ran away from everything you said, from everything you felt... from everything I felt. But... I don't want to live my life like that, Robert. I want to be open, I want to be honest, I want to be... with you." She inhaled sharply. "and I'm so sorry for denying it—sorry for not telling you the truth, but, I love you, too, Robert."  
  
She smiled, a heaviness having been lifted from her heart.  
  
He stared in disbelief as an array of emotions washed over him.  
  
He couldn't believe she was doing this—hadn't he been embarrassed enough?  
  
He was livid—he didn't need to be patronized. "Gee, Elizabeth, thank you so much for your concern. But, really, you don't need to do this. Okay? What did you think? That you could just come to me with all of this emotional... CRAP, these lies, and I'd just believe them? I don't need your pity, Elizabeth—thank you so much for offering it. But, I don't want it—I don't want your love, I don't want your sympathy, your empathy, your apathy—I want nothing to do with you." He spat venomously, as she sat there, stunned.  
  
"I-I'm not lying to you, Robert." This isn't what she'd expected.  
  
She'd expected him to kiss her, to say he was thankful, to hold her in his arms—anything but this.  
  
"Yeah, sure, fine, whatever." He said.  
  
She began to get up, and head towards the door.  
  
"Robert, look, I'm sorry if I've hurt you—but, what I said today, in here, in this room, is the truth. I... love you. And if you don't believe me, then I guess there's nothing I can do... but, it's the truth..." her voice broke, and it was then that, for the first time, Robert had actually looked her in the eye... what he saw there, stunned him.  
  
He saw raw emotion, and tears threatening to spill over the lids, an abundance of them piled to the brim, and most of all, he saw love. He saw love in her eyes, and he was shocked, stunned, and he sat there frozen as Elizabeth let a tear slide down her cheek before she turned and closed the door behind her.  
  
He sat there, amazed at what had just transpired, but then, he realized, that now he had to make things right again. Within moments, he was off of his feet and out the door.  
  
Elizabeth heard footsteps pounding loudly behind her, and the moment she turned around, she was face to face with Robert.  
  
He took a moment to look in her eyes, before he placed his hand behind her head and drew her roughly into a kiss. The world stopped moving, and all Elizabeth could feel was Robert's lips pressed against hers, and the world seemed right. As the kiss grew more passionate, both Elizabeth and Robert forgot where they were, the only thing that mattered was that they were together—in one another's arms. Lips against lips, their kiss told a story—a story of heartache, passion, truth, denial, hope, and above all—love.  
  
And when the kiss ended—the world, as both of them knew it, was different.  
  
"I love you so much." Robert said as he pressed his forehead against Elizabeth's.  
  
"And I love you." She said as she smiled, and then leaned in for another kiss.  
  
And the world began turning—but it was no longer separate worlds for Robert and Elizabeth, it was one—and everything was right.  
  
They experienced the ultimate human emotion: They were in love.  
  
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The End  
  
My first fic done! Yay me!  
  
Please REVIEW and let me know how you felt—etc. If you liked it, if you hated it, if you loved it---It would be so wonderful to know!  
  
Thanks!!!  
  
R-E-V-I-E-W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Natalie 


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